These poems were written when my thoughts turn darker, when they start to overwhelm me and I can no longer feel fine.
The Dark Dark Of My Heart - NEW
Sweet Dreams - NEW
Tango For One - NEW
The Early Day Of Splitting Up
I'll Love You Once More
A False Dawn
My Future
Trying To Help
Weathertop
A Moment Of Honesty
A Dark Side
Running Away
Bourne of Frustation
One Last Dance?
What Do I Know?
Drifting Thoughts
Thoughts Of You Fill My Head
Slipping From Consciousness
Untitled
Last Night
I Remember
Flying
What Will I Become
The Dark Dark Of My Heart
In the dark dark of my heart
Is a black mark and a hole
The mark is the scar you gave to me
The hole is the pain you cannot see
The something that you stole
In the dark dark of my heart
Is a place where I don?t go
Somewhere I can?t escape the pain
Somewhere there is only rain
And the truth that we both know
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Sweet Dreams
My dreams, these dark nights
They are only of you
And the happy and sad
And what I put you through
I lay there thinking
Then slowly I sleep
Then they come upon me
And I wake and I weep
And my only solace
Is that you don?t dream
That you only see things
For all that they seem
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Tango For One
Spirits of love
The souls of the sad
Dance out this tango
In a minor key
Da da da da daaaaah
Take my hand
My dear
My card is marked
With your name
Step as one
This last time
Our final dance
Perfect timing
As the music dies
We take our leave
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The Early Day Of Splitting Up
Its not that easy
This being apart
When your mind's disconnected
And ruled by you heart
You're living for days
When we meet it seems
And die a little
In the time in between
And time moves slowly
To fill up the hole
Left by the abscence
And something I stole
The nights get longer
The days are too few
No substance left
In the life you knew
You look at the sun
But see only rain
And wonder why
Time and again
Its not that easy
This being apart
When your mind's disconnected
And ruled by your heart
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I'll Love You Once More
I know its surprising
And a little unreal
That I am finally admitting
Just what this is I feel
I know its the wrong time
After all that went on
But I have finally written
The words to our song
I said it was all me
And that?s mostly true
But I can?t quite deny
It was also partly you
I know that this axis
That my feelings turn on
Is the bit that was right
Not just what was wrong
I want this present
Where you are not there
But the day before that
Is a bond we still share
So I want to tell you
That I loved you then
And I?ll love you once more
I just don?t know when
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A False Dawn
Somewhere
Between first light and dawn
The music played on
But I forgot how to dance
And the half night stayed
Just a little too long
Maybe if I had been asleep
I would have awoken to find
It all but a bad dream
The sunlight striking up once more
Leading me to dance
Instead of a reality
Where the music fades too
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My Future
Did you know you span me round
Flipped me till I could no longer tell
Down from up or wrong from right
My future out there and out of sight
Did you know you tore me up
Ripped me til I could no longer tell
Skin from bone or thought from deed
My future lost no will to succeed
Did you know you rocked my soul
Shook me till I could no longer tell
Dark from light or heaven from hell
My future? mine to buy or sell
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Trying To Help
I feel your pain
And hear your sighs
Tears cried for you
Behind my eyes
I know you dream
In black and white
I?d paint your dreams
And make them light
I want to speak
Words that will heal
Make clear to you
Just what you feel
I hear your cry
Calling to me
Static silence
Screams to be free
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Weathertop
Went for a walk today
Wanted to feel the wind
Inside my head
I walked up the hilltop
Stood alone on the edge
Letting the weather take me
Where it wanted
I closed my eyes
Felt late summer?s sun
Warming slightly,
Fading mostly
Then the clouds gnarled breath
Buffeting and tugging
Pulling me here and there
And nowhere
Then the rain
Drizzle first
Like a wet towel calming fever
Then heavier, invasive
Everywhere, inside and out
Like my memories
Burnt in my soul
Etched on my face
Caught on my breath
And it was all brought back to me
Your voice, elemental
Not spoken nor heard
But felt, unconsciously
Laughing
Whispering
Crying
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A Moment Of Honesty
Things aren?t what they seem to be
You, see in me what you strive for
And I, in you a false dawn
I no longer notice
This playing field is not level
You are running up hill
And I make it easy for you
So you never notice
An illusion of equality exists
But I know what my reality is
And reveal so little to you that
You do not even notice
Moments turn on thoughts like this
Light shimmers in sun?s heat
Reality shifts, and we face a truth
We can?t help to notice
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A Dark Side
I wrap you in black
And shatter your heart
Teach you to love it
Your sorrow?s my art!
This is what I wanted
I have achieved fame
Another tear shed
In the sake of my name
I will lure you in
Show you who to be
And then snatch it back
Your chance to be free
I want to stop this
To get off this ride
But I?ll still hurt you
I can?t stop the tide
Yet I do desire
I yearn and I crave
I just make you suffer
For mistakes I have made
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Running Away
I ran to escape
Memories of you,
My shadows of pain,
That would be left
Behind, in my wake
If I could just run
A little faster
I ran through the night
Moon-lit, sure of foot
Eastwards, to the dawn
Towards the new day
When the sun?s rays
Would warm my body
And light my new path
I ran on until
The quickening light
Fell upon my shadows
And like vampires
Staying just too long
For one last victim
They were burnt away
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Bourne of Frustation
I thought I?d stand in front the mirror
And gouge my eyes into the sink
To see if it would help in anyway
To see myself the way you do
I thought I?d sew my lips together
Or maybe use a stapler
To see if it would help me stop
Talking to myself at night
I thought I?d carve your name on my chest
With a knife both dull and blunt
To see if it would help me to feel
Closer to you than you think
I thought I?d sever both my hands off
Let them fall down on the ground
To see if it would help me touch you
In a way that you?d respond
I thought I?d smash my knees apart
With a hammer from my shed
To see if it would help you notice
That I wasn?t here no more
And as I lay here broken in bits
The biggest thing that I feel
Is the thing that was most obvious
You?re not really in love with me
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One Last Dance?
Shall we dance again
Around this room
Cold
Yet so familiar
Making us close
Again
At least this is
Feeling. Something.
Still.
After all our words
You can still talk
Seek
A new attempt
To make me feel
Worse
When I cannot say
Too many times
Sorry
But yet ache to know
You saw just once
Tears
Shed in your name
For this ending
Sought
For the right reasons
But in the wrong
Way
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What Do I Know?
How could I know when I did that
It would disrupt the flow
That once you started looking back
You would also want to go
How could I know when I did this
I would in someway change
That once we started growing up
You would move out of range
How could I know when I did things
Not knowing you fully yet
That once I?d tried to put it right
You would try to forget
How could I know, despite all else
I?d learn along the way
And that could mean we are no more
You?d be the price I pay?
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Drifting Thoughts
I lay on the bed
Hugged tight in a ball
Drifting
Letting myself
Slip away
From all of this
I would hug the pillow
If I wanted you here
But now
All I have is me
Hugged tight
Till it hurts
So I know that
I am alive
Breathing shallow,
Drifting, thinking
Hoping
It will be alright
Soon, when I rise
And move through to
Another room
To my life
Empty now
Of the physical
But with possibility
And the awakened
Chances
I know
Every day
Will be fine now
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Thoughts of You Fill My Head
I don?t think I?ll get through this
I don?t know how to be
It sometimes feels when I?m alone
The night lasts endlessly
I really thought our time was now
That we?d up another gear
But what was once my brightest dream
Is now my greatest fear
My thoughts can turn so very dark
And often turn to you
But knowing you can still be near
I hope that I?ll get through
So I?ll now think of future things
But from our past I?ll take
Memories of your way to live
And let subside this ache
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Slipping From Consciousness
It doesn?t hurt less, just less often
Like a reformed addict?s last hit
It?s the hangover from a great night out
But I can?t recall all of it
Like a car crash you can?t quite remember
Or waking in a new, strange place
You are sure you know someone completely
But can?t quite picture the face
It?s a butterfly flapping across the world
Bringing the turmoil into my life
I never meant to cut quite so deeply
Or even to pick up the knife
And I pressed the self-destruct button
And started an internal war
And as I take a step back and lick at my wounds
I wonder what was it all for
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Untitled
When the mist descends,
On me again,
I feel confused...
But feel no pain,
You loved me then,
And I was sane,
I was left alone,
In this pouring rain,
And your words are clear,
They will not wane
I'm heading off,
On another train
And still they come..
So clear, so plain
The wheels pick up
Their haunting refrain
Persistently
Again...
Again...
Again...
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Last Night
Last night it came
Starting over again
I just let it happen
All the pleasure and pain
Last night I feared
With this I wont to cope
I just let it happen
I gave up on all hope
Last night I cried
For what had been lost
I just let it happen
No thought for the cost
Last night I thought
How do I move on
I just let it happen
For something has gone
Last night I felt
How do I deal with this
I just let it happen
And its you who I miss
Last night I fell
To my knees in despair
I just let it happen
But I just did not care
And last night was just
A passing of time
I just let it happen
As this sadness is mine
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I Remember
I remember a room
Filled with electricity
And a touch and kiss
And of feeling so free
I remember a call
So long but too short
And not wanting to leave
The moment we?d caught
I remember a park
Green grass and blue skies
And the warmth of the sun
That shone in your eyes
I remember a lane
And a field and gate
And lying down there
And letting things wait
I remember a time
When you lit up my space
And I woke every morning
And saw first your face
These things and more
Will stay in my heart
And be always remembered
Now we are apart
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Flying
And I flew far away
Tho? I never really moved
To a place that they say
You won?t feel so removed
From direction and aim
Things needed in your life
If you are to lay claim
To control of the knife
That hangs on your heart
That cuts you so deep
That keeps you apart
That wakes you when asleep
So I flew to a place
Where fields were so green
And sights came apace
That I had never seen
But I could not lie down
It just was not real
Tried to walk around
But my heart could not feel
Why must it be this
When will I feel again
The solace from a kiss?
And let go all this pain?
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What Will I Become?
Why do I need these feet of mine?
When the crowded streets
Seem so empty?
And my arms? Should they hang limp?
Than hold someone
But not lovingly?
What use is this mouth for words?
When all I say
Is said silently?
And would these eyes be better blind?
Than searching for
What I cannot see?
Why have a mind so filled with thoughts?
When they are trapped,
Alone, not set free?
This soul of mine, should it grow dim?
Than become someone
That isn?t quite me?
And as for my heart, will it now break
Or has this happened
To me, already?
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