Friday, May 31, 2002
Hrumph - failed again - am such a n00bie - borrowed a scanner, loaded s/w but it doesn't work! reinstalled....doesn't work! Bah!! :((
So I'm home and chilling and really looking forward to four days off. Its been quite a week, work's busy but also its been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster too. So I'm gonna blog about this but also it'll be a little cryptic out of courtesy to others.
I can be the most stupidest of people at times. I refer to item 85 in my 100 things and I did this in big style this week. A while back I thought I had told someone what I was doing that week but I knew it was a sensitive subject so I didn't mention it again until I was doing it. As soon as I mentioned it I realized that I hadn't told them and they were more than a little put-out and hurt. It actually got worse too afterwards. Looking back I realise it was pretty crappy and stupid and it all could have been avoided. It wasn't the doing it was the not telling but I honestly hope that I have, as much as possible explained the what and why of it and more importantly they know that I realise how they felt and that I am sincerely and honestly sorry and will do everything possible to avoid such things in the future. In an odd way its a huge credit to themselves that of all the things they could have felt about it, all the negative conclusions that they could have drawn, they were able to focus on the important issues, on the bits that really mattered to them. That prolly doesn't make too much sense to most people but if the one that matters most in all this is reading it the way you conducted yourself, your responses and feelings were all entirely appropriate I'm just so terribly sorry I made you feel them and face them. never be scared to express your feelings, especially not to me because whilst I can be immensely stoopid when left to my own devices I like to think that when someone is telling me something important, trying to explain something, that I care enough to really try to understand.
Anyhow I always think its how you move forward from such times that matters most, not how you dwell on them, and I hope that maybe we are both a bit stronger and better for it tho - maybe its made some things clearer and helps carry us forward *hugs and smiles*!!
In other news I realized something quite....important...about something that happened quite a while back....I saw the events in a slightly different light...this doesn't change most of what happened nor why but is did make me realise something about myself, something important.
Sorry these two events are so cryptically referred to, its necessary though and I will maybe re-read them one day and remember and know what they mean to me.
On lighter news, last night was a works do - someone was leaving so it was beers all round in Slough and Ealing - in great company - Nice!
I'm still at work!! Oh well at least it gives the traffic time to die down.
Its a bank holiday weekend here - YAY! We also get an extra day this because of the World Cup starting - I also heard it is the queen's 50th anniversary of something or other which is a shame as she'll probably be too busy to watch any of the football matches ;-)
I'm hugely looking forward to this weekend. Tonight is me time and I plan to play with the 'puter and blog when I get home with a glass of wine. Up early tomorrow to do D. a fave and accompany her to look at flats and then when I get back and tidied the flat I'm out on the razz with my mate Ian! We haven't been out for a while so should be fun :))
Sunday see's the first England match V Sweden - come on lads!
Sunday evening me and D. are going to dinner and then I might get a new suit on Monday as I am going to Ladies' Day at Ascot later in June. No plans yet for Tuesday we'll see what it brings eh!
Of course in amongst all this there will be blogging, footie and BB3 to enjoy! First eviction tonight how exciting :))
Thursday, May 30, 2002
I love this song - I'm gona post it as my currently listening to when I get back home on Friday - I'm not sure I fully understand all the lyrics nor if they really relate to me - snippets certainly mean a lot to me - but I just find it has evocative imagery about the muddle of confusion, saddness, misgiving, hope, fear, excitement....and all that stuff that relationships get themselves into even when you are not expecting it.
The Game Echo & the Bunnymen
A sense of duty
was my one intention
and an ugly beauty
was my own invention
Pride a proud refusal
and I refuse
to need your approval
Too many seekers
Too few beacons
But through the fog
we'll keep on beaming
Through the crying hours
of your glitter years
all the living out
of your tinsel tears
and the midnight trains
I never made
'cos I'd already
played...the game
Everybody's
got their own good reason
why their favorite season
is their favorite season
Winter winners
and those summers sons
aren't good for everyone
aren't good for everyone
Spring has sprung
and autumns well done
so well done
And it's a better thing
that we do now
forgetting everything
the whys and hows
While you reminisce
about the things you miss
you won't be ready
to kiss...goodbye
The earth is a world
The world is a ball
A ball in a game
with no rules at all
And just as I wonder
at the beauty of it all
you go and drop it
and it breaks and falls
I'll never understand
why you thought I would
need to be reassured
and be understood
When I always knew
that your bad's my good
and I was ready
ready...to be loved
Born under Mars
With Jupiter rising
Fallen from stars
That lit my horizon
Through the crying hours
of your glitter years
all the living out
of your tinsel tears
and the midnight trains
I never made
'cos I'd already
played
it's a better thing
that we do now
forgetting everything
the whys and hows
While you reminisce
about the things you miss
you won't be ready
to kiss...goodbye
Hey guess what - I'm busy!! And I've got some things to sort out - need to do some thinking and don't really want to use this site to think them on at the mo! But I've set aside some time Friday and Saturday to do some PC stuff because it is a big part of my life and I want to do it. Its late, I'm tired and feel a bit emotionally drained tbh so am gonna crash out - nn :))
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
Its going to be another busy day at work today! Heard the new Red Hot Chillie's single today which sounds ace, can't wait for the new album now :))
Oh and for those who asked (thnx) the toothache is not much better really - I had quite a major filling a couple of years back on a molar and tbh its not been the same since and aches from time to time - maybe I will try and get to a dentist its just a time thing!!!!
Monday, May 27, 2002
Work is very strange today, nothing particulalry unusual or bad, just very strange - the place is full of pockets of people 'getting on with things', its very strange, general communications can be poor at the best of times but recently it just seems to get more and more fragmented, the groups of people who are working as a team and who share a common understanding of the issues is getting smaller everyday! Eventually we will be 70 odd people all working ''together in isolation'' but on the same project!!!
Sunday, May 26, 2002
I've got toothache :(
The girls are outside playing with the boys next door - they found a rook last night that looked as if it had been wounded by a farmer's shotgun and next door took it ot the local animal sanctuary but it had to be put down :(
We were going to go out for the whole day today but the weather isn't so good :(
K, :('s over - on the plus side we are now going to a new indoor playpark which looks fun :))
Saturday, May 25, 2002
Its quite a warm evening and its raining gently -I've opened the window to let the sound and the smell of it in - I love 'summe rain' it smells clean and fresh.
I am listening to The Hives and then I will listen to Starsailor - my new cds today :))
So its all over for another year, Latvia one with quite a good song, sounded a bit too like Sunshine After The Rain for my liking but they were helped by being one of the last and a good routine and some patent favoritism in the voting, eg Greece gave Cyprus top marks and vice versa and all the former soviet countries seemed to vote for each other....but then guess their musical tastes would be similar. UK was a respectable equal third :))
I can't believe I am analysing the Eurovision Song Contest - lol - maybe a joke only the Brits out there will get!! For others the ESC has held a slightly 'naff' image recently in our collective consciousness.
The bookies favourite already - I think she'll win - lol :))
So its like this, after easily managing to avoid the Eurovision Song Contest since Bucks Fizz won in the early eighties (it went down hill after that anyway) I am now watching it with the girls - their idea not mine - and its every bit as quirky, glitzy, tacky, self-agrandizing and simultaneously self-depricating as I remember, some good songs, some bad, some laughable - Jessica Garlick, UK's entry is pretty cool actually - oh and the Croatian singer's a babe ;-))
Just a few quizzes :) Mostly from or via Tiara's site!
63% I am 63% worshipable! And you? Find out!
take the emo quiz.created by jessi
Which Buffy Guy Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty
First impressions of Big Brother:
Current Fave: Katie
Like: Jonny, Alison, Lynne, Spencer and PJ
Not Sure of: Adele, Alex, Lee
Not too keen on: Jade, Sandy, Sunita
Think will win it: Jonny
Hmm may get this put on the side bar or something this evening! Thnx Ariel for top BB link :-))
I'm tired - bloody roadworks! In a half asleep dream state I was imagining the girls moving furniture and whispering to each other this morning. Then in they came with breakfast in bed on Katherine's 'desk' placed at the end of the bed - coffee, watermelon (de-pipped) and cereals! How cool is that? Thnx girls :))
Why? Why? Why? .....do they have to dig the road up at the end of my street? They have been drilling and banging and have left a diesel generator running ALL night - i mean its still going now at 2am - I can't sleep!.....why is this? i am sure there's a good reason :( !!!!!!
Friday, May 24, 2002
Sorry but Chemistry stuff was just fascinating - thnx Thribble :))
I am sat here for the first time since forever (well a while anyway) just surfin' and chatting and linking and drinking and listening to music and.............its sooooo ace!!!
Ok, not sure if this is going to work....but hey I'll give it a try - inspired by all of you because I suddenly noticed how you all pop up on everyone else's sites :))
Ariel (thank you zillions) got me into all this in an excited email following the launch of her site. I signed up and thought what do I do now? As someone recently said to me Blogging is like lifting a rock and finding a whole world underneath you never knew existed. I found Coop thru Ariel's site which made me laugh, he's been busy of late, must check if he's come back from RL - lol - Su(zi)e's was the first site I found myself and I love all of it, and she's been a huge help over PC problems too :-)) I hit Cupid Girl and Watercoloured Words from Ariel and just love the fun and warmth and happiness of them. Deb was thru Su(zi)e and as well as a sharp take on life and cute writing style she gives us Eight From The Eighties, tho her blogging's been a bit intermittent of late so *hugs* girl! Starrysheep was similarly connected and I just loved the beautiful layout (at first), Briar has not been around for a while, you ok girl? Get in touch yeah? Smeg was another Ariel contact but by then I'd also got into Something New and I think he set this up, anyhow's he's another that just make's me laugh :)) Chleo came via Cupid-girl, Pegasong I think via Blogspot or something similar, I was caught by Chleo's storey at the time as she is from Israel living in Paris, and immediately by Pega's cool graphics and love of art. Lorien was a Cupid or Chleo link and I just love her site, I love the day to day stuff about her and her life, I like the stuff about Israel (which remains a huge education to me) and I love all the bits like the lyrics and poetry pages - *hugs* girls :)) I hit SerenityNow and CynthiaSpeaks round the same time thru Wordgames and they did their best to confuse me because the both go by Cyndi so I was leaving messages for one on the other's site - toally confusing - but - lol - it wasn't my fault at all!! Karen (Amethyst85) I had been to several times from Something New and finally commented and glad I did at long last!! A quiet Sunday's surfing found me Capturing The Ghosts and I forget how but it was someone's link I think, a lot on there moved me, and also led me to Chris who I find truly inspiring and a site where there is a lot of empathy on many levels. From Chris I dined at his Sushi bar (now sadly gone!) and hit Guruvious the funniest site I have found but who's troubled of late (so drop him a hug and watch for his return) and Odin (who love's U2 amongst other talents!), DV, Kacroon and Gina all of whom I just love to read :) Renatinha is mostly in Portuguese but she visited me and was kind and hey I need to learn a new language :)), Toy Boy from Cupid, but after bursting on the scene he's been quiet - 'connection' probs maybe. I can't remember how I found Sandee but I know I had seen the site very early on when I started this and refound it later for Sunday Samaritan - its just an inspiration - go there. And last but not least there's Tiara who changes her layout like other people change there clothe's but its always lovely and she also like Haiku's which is cool.
So there are other's I go to who I haven't linked yet - sorry - and each of you are special and I get something from each in turn. I think this worked - I just wanted to say soemthing....dunno what...about the connectivitiy, the good vibe....the buzz :))
Oh yes, yes, yes , yes , yes , yes, YES - Its back !!
Hmmm I've worked out how to change the template for the comments - but its sort of a bit too samey as the site so I'll be working on this over the next few days :))
D'oh! This is something else that happens to me, I get busy and I start forgetting things. Basically was in a meeting until 2 and then decided to come home to do some work and that would mean I could get down and see the girls on time this week. Except I have got home and left the modem card, power supply and mouse for my work laptop at work along with the changer for my nice mobile phone (but have a not so nice one I can still use so its not a total disaster!). My home PC doesn't run MS project and I can't download my work meals so I am a bit stuffed now! Dammit - this will knock onto next week now and I will be even busier! Double D'oh!
Re-read what I typed last night, thnx for all your comments they made me smile. It was more a window on my soul type post than a something's happened and now I'm unhappy type post - I guess I just got thoughtful..
Thursday, May 23, 2002
Billy Joel wrote a song called Say Goodbye to Hollywood - I often use the following line - "So many faces in and out of my life, some will last some will just be now and then". Sometimes the ones you want to last become just now and then, not always, but sometimes.
The thing about being me is I don't think I am all that special - yet often others think I am - but I just don't see it. So when I form friendships and relationships, or even when I just go about my job, I am often and genuinely surprised when people express positive things about me. Whether at work if I get complimented or someone specifically requests for me to be involved, or in friendships and more particularly in relationships.
I am quite open really about my thoughts and feelings, I don't over commit myself but if I am happy or I enjoy someone's company, on any level then I say so. I don't play the dating game particularly - you know the go out with someone but then call after three days because two shows you are keen, four shows you're not bothered type thing. I go with the flow, I form friendships based on whatever empathy there is at the time, if in time that empathy proves to be not as strong as at first then so be it. And I am always prepared, though never particularly wary or self-protective, that it is others who change their mind about me sooner than I do about them. Maybe this is why I have never really found a permanent relationship and why I have just a few close friends.
Don't get me wrong I am a hugely happy person most of the time, and genuinely enjoy my own company. I wouldn't change anything. Its just my experience of friendships and relationships is that I turn out to be something other than I first seem. Maybe that is because I am so open, maybe people mistake openness for something other, and when with time more is revealed, they feel let down or betrayed that my initial potential, that they see, doesn't materialize into a reality. This doesn't greatly affect me because I can only be what I am and mostly I always feel I am true to myself. But it makes me sad from time to time, that in darker moments I feel, with the exception of my few close friends, that if I fall silent for a while, so do others. And that when I get close to people or they to me some conclude that I am someone else, someone I don't recognize, someone who isn't really me, because I didn't live up to their expectations. I have had four serious relationships, only one ended without bitterness from their side - this doesn't feel like a good track record to me, but I still don't understand what I did that was so wrong I created such negativity. But really I look more to the one that didn't end that way because I think they understood me and knew me better than any of the others.
I believe in double edged swords, enigmas and paradoxes; I think too much about things because I care, but you can care and be thoughtful and still do the wrong thing; I am open and honest but you can still hurt someone by giving an honest answer by not realising why or what they are really asking; I try to do the right thing by everyone (hey I'm a Libran), but this can end up with no-one ending up happy; and I am sensitive to other peoples feelings, yet can sometimes be so clumsy and insensitive without really realising it. I let myself get caught between rocks and hard places.
I should add that this is a RL thing and also that I don't really know why when I sat down to type something I focussed on this - its another thing I do, express out loud half formed thoughts and feelings - its what I do, but it doesn't work for everyone!
Goodnight :)
Just got back and am off to bed. I flew thru my links and said hi to as many as poss just because noticed a few themes out there: -
some sites were unavailable :(
some just seemed upbeat and talked, no hinted, of things to come - oooh can't wait ;-
some gave me ideas for poems :)
Cool! Thankyou and goodnight!
Wednesday, May 22, 2002
Gosh what a busy few days - I always seem to say this at the moment!!
So Sunday I went for a walk around Virgina Waters (sorry can't find a good link) and Sunday lunch with D. which was ace :)
Monday, work came around and this has been hectic - I was in meetings from 9am till 5pm today!! Last night I saw About A boy which was ace, funny and well filmed, Hugh Grant was very different and very good in it and it kinda of complimented the book even tho the ending was played out differently but to the same effect.
Oh and something strange net wise happened and I don't really know exactly what but seems to be to do with censorship and honesty in on-line diaries - I've always thought my blog is my own and have pretty much written what I have wanted, what I was feeling and what kind of jumbled rambling musings have been going on inside. I think I have done less of this recently because I have felt more calmer, more settled. But if I wanted to I still would, I choose to keep the site personal, that is I don't really blog too much about other people or their problems other than to send them hugs or link them. But then in RL I wouldn't talk about other people to other people in that way either. This 'net thing, this blog thing is deceptive, you can post some stuff and get kind words, even empathy form other people, other strangers, and you become linked in some way. This is the huge up side of it all. I guess tho' there's a down side, you can neither fully express everything about you on-line, nor fully explain everything that is happening on-line. As a reader of other's sites you are a silent listener (no pun intended) to their thoughts without really knowing them. I try to remember this, especially when I see something I don't understand or even don't agree with, I try to be neutral at least, supportive at most but I always, always try to remember that they are letting me in, that is a privilege not a right - I try to respect that as much as possible. In general this whole thing is worth it and the positive outweighs the negative hugely :))
I'm off to the pub :))
Sunday, May 19, 2002
K, its Eight From The Eighties time again, in the style this week of Paul Weller!
1) Are you forever young? I'm a changin' man!
2) Are you like a virgin? Dancing through the fire - just to catch a flame, just to get close to, just close enough, to tell you that you do something to me.....
3) Are you looking for a new love, baby? I'm gonna clear up my head, I'm gonna get myself straight, I know its never too late, to make a brand new start
4) Are you in control? I don't need a ship to sail in stormy weather, I don't need you to ruffle the feathers - of my Peacock Suit
5) Have you ever been where the streets have no name? Climbing forever trying, find your way out - of the wild wild wood
6) Do you have a touch of grey? Like a loser's reach, too slow & short to hit the peaks, so lost & alone - trying to get home.
7) When was the last time you celebrated good times? Everyday began upon, the summer's kiss of love and adventure
8) (thanks alie!)Are you wild an' willin' or is it just for show? Uh huh - oh yeah!
K, I'm off out to enjoy the sunshine, have a great day y'all :))
My I am tired, had a lovely evening last night went to dinner with D. and then into Windsor, I didn't get in till gone 3am and then the kids next door were out playing by 9 and woke me up! Just been surfing and found The Matrix Reloaded which is out later this year - cool!
News from my PC, IE won't display the 'recently used' drop-down list on the address bar - not sure why, not sure I care!
I haven't done Sunday Samaritan for a while but know is still important to Ariel, so here it is:
I know I posted about this yesterday but I think Tiara's Haiku-Blog is a great idea and she's a little worried about it taking off, so here's another plug for it :)) I also sentto Deb whose been away for a while and sounds like she needs them, glad you're back girl cos when I need a smile one of the first sites I go to is yours (yeah really!), and thnx for Eight From The Eighties too ;-))
I love the various ideas that are out there for things to contribute to, and hugely enjoy Something New and Wordgames, which I signed up for very soon after I started this. I, and I guess others, don't/can't always get around to contributing as regularly as they like, so don't worry Tiara, I am sure in time people will find it and contribute :))
Saturday, May 18, 2002
What Do I Know?
How could I know when I did that
It would disrupt the flow
That once you started looking back
You would also want to go
How could I know when I did this
I would in someway change
That once we started growing up
You would move out of range
How could I know when I did things
Not knowing you fully yet
That once I’d tried to put it right
You would'nt try to forget
How could I know, despite all else
I’d learn along the way
And that could mean we are no more
You’d be the price I pay?
I've just remembered that Ariel reminded me to update my comments - and I can 'easily' add a template to it so will update that plain old comment box soon :))
Tiara's set-up a Haiku-blog! What a cool idea girl, I hope it catches on :))
K, so got my hair cut even tho I was half an hour late! When I get busy I get forgetful and was sure it was 10.30 not 10!!! Still been going there ages now and Gary fitted me in. Got a new product, Paul Mitchell's Extreme Thickening Glue. so new its not on the web site yet but its great, the bottle and the stuff itself looks like PVA glue but its got great hold without going rock hard so can get a bit of a spiky look going once it gets a little longer :))
As predicted I am hugely behind with my plans, but this is cool, gonna do me chores now and get them out of the way!
Working It Out
Define me
Write the words that tell
The life I've led
Refine me
Break this down so its
Simply said
Align me
Mark out where these
Feet should tread
Design me
Calm these wild thoughts
Inside my head
K so my working late has kind of mucked up the start to the weekend. I'd planned a long post and surf session and then get up tomorrow tidy the sty and play with my PC. Well, here's the long(ish) post, not really hugely surfed, had to rearrange my haircut to tomorrow morning so not sure what the plan is tomorrow daytime.
So have been pretty chilled the last couple of weeks, since visiting the Isle of Man. A lot of things kinda fell into place in my head, like all the jumbled thoughts of so many weeks all crstalysing into something more....er....something...can't describe it but things make some sort of sense That's not quite right, I think. I guess I mean I can see how things can work out, even though I don't quite know how they will. I can let go, accept the current reality....and enjoy and appreciate the many wonderful things I have in life and let them satisfy me.
I kind of enjoyed doing my 100 things because I think this helped in that process, I think I have been personally in a bit of a wilderness, I had gained a lot of strength, self-belief, confidence from being in my last relationship and lossing it left me thinking what I was all about, despite not being anything other than good, even in parting, I couldn't draw on the feelings whilst in the relationship once I was out of it. Somehow, someway I have got that back and regained my equilibrium
hmmmm I'm home - it was relatively successful evening, we got enough done to make ourselves look good yet still leave other's in a bad light. This is important even tho it sounds petty. My company gets a hard time really and unfairly so sometimes I feel so its good to be a bit smug and 'in the right' for a change.
Friday, May 17, 2002
LOL - all you work bloggers - check this out on satirewire!!!
I'm still at work! Dammit :(
Long storey and lots of issues but at least I should get a few minutes here and there to catch up on things net-like!
Oh you just would not believe the fun I am having - lol - seriously its manic but quite exciting really!
I woke up at 4.30 convinced I had overslept and feeling quite refreshed and wide awake. I did go back to sleep and now I have woken up to the alarm I feel exhausted and dis-oriented. I'm glad its nearly the weekend as I am tired - oh and my calf muscles really ache!!!
Today work was a nightmare....tho funnily enough I kind of enjoyed it too. There was a big issue to deal with and so I had to defend my company's honour and point out to the customer the error of his ways - sounds grand eh! 'Course the customer didn't take too kindly to this, its funny I can be quite, er, passionate is the word I like to use, short-tempered is maybe what other people would say - I don't shout or loose my temper but I do get quite fiery easily, its forgotten almost straight after but this is the first time the customer has really seen that side of me as its the first time with them I have felt in a position where I understood the situation well enough and genuinely felt I had a valid point. There's gonna be lots of fall-out tomorrow but things need shaking up a bit so tht's actually a good thing.
This evening was ace too, went to a step-aerobics class with Jo (another girl form work) and D. - it was good fun but I was your stereotypical bloke at such things and just could not catch the movements or rhythm. I think I can dance ok and pick up a beat - but this was something else - it seems step requires you to step onto one foot and immediately use the same foot again, which just ain't natural, and the other problem is when I just thought I'd got the rhythm, eg 2 'things' to the left, two to the right etc etc, when the teacher would throw in a totally random (to me) three to one side but not the other. Wasn't too bad when everyone faced the front but when we had to turn and around there was no-one behind me to copy! D'oh - lol - it was fun tho :))
We're gonna try and do one class of something a week and try and get some others at work involved too - lol!
Then we went for a drink and a meal in Windsor and just had a good giggle about things. Jo and I both drove so when she left, I dropped D. back home but it was a lovely warm evening so we walked back to the car along the river....cool :))
Thursday, May 16, 2002
Changed banner lyrics, so there's a new poll - thnx D. for the reminder :)) x
Wednesday, May 15, 2002
Had a good evening catching up with Vi and some more sites, each one had some new element, a layout, a storey, a 'new-found-page'.....none stand out above the rest so just check the lsit to the right! :))
Quiz from Are You Speaking via Ariel
what adjective are you?
quiz by maikamariel
My I am busy! Gonna post some innanenss (my new word!) and save my jumbled thoughts until Friday when I should have more time!
Went to pub quiz tonight but we blew out :(
Blogger Pro is now working - oh yeah baby :))
Didn't do Eight From The Eighties on Saturday so will now (and with Su(zi)e's idea as inspiration I will do it in the style of U2 (who else)
1) Have you been working for the weekend? Its a beautiful day, don't let it get away.
2) Can you do magic? I must be an acrobat to talk like this and act like that.
3) Are you like a rock? Sometimes I feel like I don't know, sometimes I feel like checkin' out, I want to get it wrong, can't always be strong, and love it won't be long...
4) Who keeps you hangin' on? I have a lover, a lover like no other, she got soul, soul, soul, sweet soul, and she teach me how to sing
5) Are you runnin' down a dream? Don't worry baby, it'll be alright, you've got the right shoes to get you thru the night.
6) When's the last time you just got lucky? Chance is a kind of religion, where you're damned for plain hard luck, I never did see that movie, I never did read that book
7) Do you go crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man/woman? Don't believe in forced entry, don't believe in rape but every time she passes by wild thoughts escape.
8) Hit me with your best shot. Give me one last chance, and I'm going to make you sing, give me half a chance, to ride on the waves that you bring.
K, got through some sites, will do the rest tomorrow when I get in. I know I don't need to say this but I haven't been around the sites as much recently, but I do think about you all and try to nip in even if I don't stay that long - work has been busy and I have been doing some general 'puter stuff as well. Not sure why I say that, maybe because having been grabbing the odd hour here and there I miss the pleasure of spending a relaxed evening just surfing people's sites, enjoying the connectivity!
I finished my 100 Things About Me!
Look at the time, its a 6am gym start tomorrow! Goodnight :))
Monday, May 13, 2002
I am very tired and am going to bed early!
My new desktop wallpaper, captured off of the Moulin Rouge DVD!
quick test
What a busy evening, yet again failed to catch up on sites - D'oh! but did manage to update my Poems pages with some navigation - yeah its quite simple but its a start! Just realised I've got thru quite a bit of my to-do list. I have a couple of poems I want to work on, they're sort of finished but I want to just mull them over a bit more.
Had a quiet but good weekend with the girls - money's tight with my impending flat-buying - which is still going through, its just taking an age. Yesterday we went into town and had lunch and ran errands then Mum and Dad came up for afternoon so we played games and then watched Moulin Rouge on DVD. Today was mostly homework - Bryony took 5 hours to do her homework and missed out on a shopping trip to get her some new tops as a result! The work should only have taken 1 to 1.5 hours but she messed around over it so I was strict over going out before she finished, which meant she lost out - I hate being strict but I know its necessary at times!!
Not sure what to do about picking them up, I collect them at 5, have done for five years, but the last 2 or so its been real hard to get away from work (I should leave at three to be on time but its very hard). I have no problems with leaving early, I more than do the hours, but if an issue comes up, or a meeting is called I can't just say no - I am sure there a lots of people who'd like to get away early but can't. So its hard, I am thinking of suggesting 6 or 6.30 because at least then I can guarantee being on time. Their mother and I are getting on ok for the first time since the split and I don't want to rock the boat by being continuously late so may suggest a revised time. Hmmm, needs some careful handling this one :))
I have a busy week next week, workwise and socially wise, too many things to fit in! Its Vi's birthday on Tuesday (which I am chuffed Ir emmebered!) so we're going out Wedensday, I really need to see Angie sometime as there's lots to catch up on, Tuesday is quiz with Ian and Nats and Jan which I have missed for two weeks and I also want to see Colin, an ex-work friend I haven't caught up with since I moved offices at Christmas! Oh and need to get my hair cut. Its funny my hair is currently as long as I used to haveit cut to a few months back - but then I went for a close shaved (well grade 4) option and now I can't stand it when it gets longer than a centimeter or so.
And on such innaness (a new word?) I will say goodnight! :))
Sunday, May 12, 2002
Thank you Ariel, I now have a shiny new WinAmp working on my PC and my download problems fixed as well as understanding a few things a little better generally :-)) I promise not to be such a woose about these problems next time (if you promise to fix the ensuing mess - lol)!
Nothing Conclusive
Alone together
Within this crowd
Shared thoughts
Not said out loud
Slowly forward
Sensing the need
Unbidden feelings
Sowing the seed
Friendships gained
Along the way
If they could know
The price we pay
Love’s something
That ebbs and flows
We can’t say when
It comes or goes
But in the end
This feels right
It takes us forward
Out of the night
So can we see
Just where we go?
And make no plans
Just follow the flow?
Saturday, May 11, 2002
I now have the Kylie image as the absinth fairy from Moulin rouge as my desktop - YAY, I'd like to post this picture but it just won't display - bah!
There remains so much I just don't know about computer's and the net, nothing I seem to try at the moment seems to work - Bah! :((
I'm done 'catching up' - actually some I will have to recheck to fully catch up, but I sampled the flavour and enjoyed. So many new layouts out there - maybe I will do something with mine, biut then again, I still like my layout so maybe not, 'sides my to do list is already quite long!
I'm not blogging just yet because I am reading through everyone else's sites. But I've added a couple of new to dos. Firstly, update my comments box, its very drab and boring. I noticed Kat do her's a while back and now so has Ariel Pay It 4ward (which looks ace, btw). Not sure how to do, will check the comment code etc and work it out, I have an idea for look and feel. Also gonna get a good desktop picture. I watched Moulin Rouge again on DVD today (so good, the girls loved it too) and noticed the DVD Player package on my PC has a screen capture facility so maybe I'll get Kylie or Nicole onto my desk :))
I'm hoping to catch up with a mate, Colin this week, who's a guru on PC/net things so maybe he can help me :))
Friday, May 10, 2002
Change my listening to, [Love Rescue Me] U2 again (I am nothing if not consistent but have justified my U2 obsession many times before) I particularly like the last verse.
Love rescue me
Love rescue me
Come forth and speak to me
Raise me up and don't let me fall
No man is my enemy
My own hands imprison me
Love rescue me
Many strangers have I met
On the road to my regret
Many lost who seek to find themselves in me
They ask me to reveal
The very thoughts they would conceal
Love rescue me
And the sun in the sky
Makes a shadow of you and I
Stretching out as the sun sinks in the sea
I'm here without a name
In the palace of my shame
Said, love rescue me
In the cold mirror of a glass
I see my reflection pass
See the dark shades of what I used to be
See the purple of her eyes
The scarlet of my lies
Love rescue me
Yea, though I walk
In the valley of shadow
Yea, I will fear no evil
I have cursed thy rod and staff
They no longer comfort me
Love rescue me
Sha la la la...sha la la
Sha la la la...sha la la la
Sha la la...
I said love, love rescue me
I said love
Climb up the mountains, said love
I said love, oh my love
On the hill of the son
I'm on the eve of a storm
And my word you must believe in
Oh, I said love, rescue me
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah...
Yeah I'm here without a name
In the palace of my shame
I said love rescue me
I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance
To a new world I can see
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me
Love rescue me
I have read other people's sites saying someone has stopped blogging and that they'll be missed, well I have just visited Su(zi)e's site and seen she 'may' have stopped, if you still check by here Su(zi)e its made me quite sad, your's was one of the first sites I found and it was always one of my fave's. Maybe you'll be back, the last post was fairly cryptic........
My To-Do list
1 Catch up on Blogs
2 Go Blogger -Pro
3 Load up DVD on PC
4 Decide on Dark Age of Camelot!
5 Printer Cable
6 Complete 100 things
7 Post up picture page
8 Update poems pages, including 'bookmarked' links
9 Consider investment in Front Page and PhotoEditor
10 Download WinAmp
11 Download some new music (feel a need to branch out)
12 mIRC
My, that's a long list, these are my projects for the next two weeks!
Oh dear been so busy this past week or more. Its the first time since starting this blog that I haven't been able to make regular updates. I missed it and there feels like loads I haven't posted about. But a lot of the time was RL fun as well as work so I suppose in a way that's good :))
So picking up from Tuesday, was supposed to prepare for some demos/presentations on Wednesday for our current customer who was visiting the Isle of Man to see our equipment working. Turned into a comedy of errors, firstly the guy organising the visit turned in sick leaving me to do almost all the presentations and demos, then my other colleagues' flight had a technical fault and they were four hours late in arriving which hampered our preparations. On the Wednesday we rocked up at the airport and waited for the customer party to arrive but I only knew one of them and couldn't see him about so me and my colleague sat down and chatted and waited for them. About 10 minutes later I got a call from the office asking where we were as the customer's were waiting. It seems the one I knew hadn't turned up so I hadn't realised that the group of 6 people standing not 10 yards away were waiting for us! D'oh! Anyhow we apologised profusely and it was fine in the end, they were happy after the visit and got a lot from it, even if they did have to listen to just me for almost 6 hours :)) Oh btw we are talking next generation mobile phone networks here, 3G systems, 384kbit/s delivered straight to your phone, anytime, anyplace - the potential is huge though admittedly it is early days yet, but its very very cool driving around the Isle of Man downloading web pages quicker than most people are able to at work let alone home! sometimes I love my job and Wednesday was one of those days.
Last night was an after work drink which I ended up staying at and had to sleep on the sofa at work as the guy whose place I normally crash at no-showed! Oh well, it wasn't too uncomfortable really.
And tonight I picked the girls up for the weekend - YAY! It feels like ages this time, probably because I didn't manage to speak to them in between (I have set times - long storey - and if I miss I miss out!). Bryony had just done a tumble on a scooter so is badly grazed all up one hand, arm and a bit on the face, not too bad, she seems fine but will probably be stiff tomroow. I got down late again, I am supposed to have them for 5 but need to leave work at three to do that and it gets harder and harder to do this. I work heaps of hours so leaving early is not an ethical problem for me but its just hard to drop work that early sometimes. I am thinking of suggesting I have them from 6 or even 6.30, I'd miss out on a hour or so, but at least I'd get there on time and it'd be easier to get away at 4 than it is 3.
Oh and thwarted this evening. I bought Moulin Rouge in supermarket this evening and was going to load up DVD s/w onto PC but when I got home I had forgotten to take pack to special counter to actually get the DVDs put in D'oh!! Also wanted to hook up printer but it does not come with a cable (now I think that's stoopid but maybe that's just me being a n00bie!). still there's always tomorrow!
K, I still haven't caught up on people's sites so will try to get around to it today and tomorrow and Sunday ;))
Wednesday, May 08, 2002
Kat's url has changed, so's the layout - nice :))
I'm too tired to work this out - using IE trying to download Winamp and mIRC, it trys to use Quicktime (why?) and tells me that some components are missing that cannot be found on Quicktime server - what is that all about??
Gosh I have a lot to blog about. Not even sure where to start. K, firstly the weekend was ace, big thnx to Ariel for making it so despite being so poorly. We have not seen each other since before Christmas and I enjoyed once more the easy talk and simple infectious pleasure of being in her company. Yes, we, I probably more, talked about stuff, but I don't want to Blog about it as I want now to enjoy the pleasure of being friends. Happiness is a way to travel not a destination, it certainly shouldn't be the station you last left if the journey is never taking you back there. I learnt a lot through her, if you've never visited her site do so. She has a way with words and a view on life that inspires me, thank you babe for so much :)) xxx
So I'll begin at the beginning and see where it goes and fill in the gaps in later posts I guess. Got to airport in beautiful sunshine and plenty of time (even grabbed a beer before I borded)....but.....foiled again...a storm brewed up and the flight was late and then couldn't take off because of it. It looked at one point like we'd be cancelled but we took off an hour and a half late and it was one of the clearest and smoothest flights ever! Ariel picked me up from the airport (thanks) and we spent evening catching up on stuff.
Saturday flew in late as we'd stayed up till stupid o'clock chatting but we made it to see Shill for the cup final in Douglas. Shill is an Arsenal supporter so I donned red hair colouring in support and cheered the Arse on as they won - YAY!!!
Saturday night we watched one of my fave films ever and one that is now my firm fave. First was Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet, which is a masterpiece of imagination, but pales into the shadow of the awesome Moulin Rouge. Words fail at this point, magnificent, magical, inspired, genius.....I loved the story, it was so sad and it did make me cry, but later - but it was also breathtaking. Following the footie theme I got thrashed (mostly) on PS2 (more victories for Arsenal - Bah!).
Sunday Ariel spent some time showing me internet stuff and Dark Age of Camelot, which I remain in two minds about simply because I know I will rapidly become addicted. It seems more than an on-line RPG game, there is a lot interaction with other players and seems very friendly. I also got some good links, some ideas for a photos page, and some downloads to get (mIRC and WinAmp to name but two). We then went sight seeing, there is something extra special about being shown a place by someone who has such a love for it and so many stories to tell. I not only saw the beautiful scenery and lovely villages and towns as an outsider and bystander, but saw them in a more involved way through Ariel's stories, I saw people's lives rather than the odd tourist attraction, homes rather than faceless houses, . Ariel will also take simple pleasure out of many things and so what could have been a inocuous drive to somewhere became part of the experience as she pointed out the wild garlic, bluebells or the sheep and lambs that she and Willow pretend to eat as dinosaurs when they drive by and the cows that looked too big for the field they were in (they really did!). Chinese in the evening over Existenz which was weird and interesting and finished on a wicked twist. It was a wonderful day :)) xxx
By Monday Ariel was suffering again so we chilled pretty much, I painted a couple of bricks on her wall - which is slowly getting filled up and is a cool personal touch to the house :))
And all to quickly it was over but (Arnie voice now) I'll be back! I stayed over for work till this evening which was an 'interesting' time I'll post about later as I am quite tired now and would like to catch up on other's sites at some point.
Saturday, May 04, 2002
Its lovely to be here again....will catch up later, off to watch footie :))
Find your Role-Playing
Stereotype at mutedfaith.com.
[Angel.]
Friday, May 03, 2002
May not blog much this weekend but may update site (if that makes sense), hope you'll all wait for me - lol :)) all together now.......
So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you'll wait for me,
Hold me like you never let me go.
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane,
Don't know when I'll be back again.
Oh babe, I hate to go.
Thursday, May 02, 2002
Sooo busy but took five over a coffee to check a few sites and this, thnx Ariel - lol :))
take the "what's my fault" quiz.
(and then browse around mewing.net. because laura is cool.)
Its 6am and I am up to go to gym - tell me why I am doing this again???
Wednesday, May 01, 2002
I've just been surfing really, places new...but been kinda tired and had to keep getting up to do things. Two thoughts I have been mulling for a while, one's a question, ones 'aesthetic' - what d you think? nn, I'm off to bed soon :))
1 In peoples comments where it says url, do you have to type http:// or just start www? the reason I ask is some people have the http:// already loaded in, and if they do do you overwrite it or leave it??
2 Long and detailed, short and often, How do you blog? course i know how most of you blog cos I read you and I like each and every shade in between that's out there, but was just musing, how do you blog? I mean how concious is it? do you save em up for one big blast or just type when the mood strikes. Or is it a time/access thing?
Oh guess what? I am out on the razz again tomorrow so will try to post at work but I may be busy, then I am off to visit Ariel this weekend but will no doubt blog from there at some point :)))
Surfed a bit and found Magikal Musings and Midnight Bliss both of which were lovely.
Also Ariel prompted me to start a 100 things about me - how hard is that! Got to sixty something, links on left!
Oh dear - it wasn't! So this weekend I am going to the Isle of Man. I am hugely "excited" about this, Ariel babe, how's this for an itinery?
Arrive, hug, drink, chat, drink, games (Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, Triv, Disney Charades.....), computer stuff, hug, drink, chat, go somewhere (maybe), Moulin Rouge DVD, drink, games, chat, Dark Age, drink, hug, chat, go somewhere else (maybe).....repeat skipping 'arrive' and adding Willow during daytime :))) xxx
Last post - maybe! Chris, you may not realise it but something you said....I stole....thnx :)
Silver Lined
Spin it around
See the bright side
Set it down
Don’t fight the tide
Every cloud is,
However darkening,
Silver lined
Just takes mining
Tomorrow's life
Is not for me
Grab them now
Chances are free
Always searching
I know we’ll find
Something new
Two of a kind
02/01/2002 - 02/28/2002
03/01/2002 - 03/31/2002
04/01/2002 - 04/30/2002
05/01/2002 - 05/31/2002
06/01/2002 - 06/30/2002
07/01/2002 - 07/31/2002
08/01/2002 - 08/31/2002
09/01/2002 - 09/30/2002
10/01/2002 - 10/31/2002
11/01/2002 - 11/30/2002
12/01/2002 - 12/31/2002
01/01/2003 - 01/31/2003
02/01/2003 - 02/28/2003
03/01/2003 - 03/31/2003
04/01/2003 - 04/30/2003
05/01/2003 - 05/31/2003
06/01/2003 - 06/30/2003
07/01/2003 - 07/31/2003
08/01/2003 - 08/31/2003
09/01/2003 - 09/30/2003
10/01/2003 - 10/31/2003
11/01/2003 - 11/30/2003
12/01/2003 - 12/31/2003
01/01/2004 - 01/31/2004
02/01/2004 - 02/29/2004
03/01/2004 - 03/31/2004
04/01/2004 - 04/30/2004
05/01/2004 - 05/31/2004
06/01/2004 - 06/30/2004
07/01/2004 - 07/31/2004
08/01/2004 - 08/31/2004
09/01/2004 - 09/30/2004
10/01/2004 - 10/31/2004
U2
My RSS Feed
