Wednesday, July 31, 2002
Hey ladies.... it's National Orgasm Day - how you doin'? lol ;-)
D. pointed this out to me - its also her Birthday Eve - not sure what to give her ;-)
Today was horrible meeting day - 4 hours this morning, 4this afternoon :( Still am home now and am taking D. out for dinner - kind of a mediteranean/mexican (!) restaraunt with good atmosphere - yum :)
The girls rang me today - they both won a local art competition at the library they made collage reproductions of famous paintings (Bryony did a Monet Waterlilly painting and Katherine some Van Gogh flowers (not The Sunflowers tho))....they have an award ceremony on Saturday which I'll take them down too :))and
hmmm - not sure about the 'table divs' to the right and left - but offers potential for more colour - off to bed nn! :))
My site's theme tune's on Blogamp - Brand New Start - Paul Weller - inspirational :)
I want to start a new 'religion' - like the Greeks et al.....lets have a few different gods....I'll call them Rock-Gods.....Paul Weller is the God of Inspiration, Bono - the God of Lighting Your Way....Elvis Costello, the God of Unexpectedly Meaningful Things, Jarvis Cocker he's the Relationship God, lol - wanna nominate a Rock God?
Tuesday, July 30, 2002
Thought of the day....you don't really know me right? you know stuff about me but you don't know me really....no-one ever knows someone really.....so what if you say or do something and don't get the response you expect....but you still get a response...one you could draw conclusions about me from.....does that make you right? Would you draw those conclusions....or hold back....wait and see....search for the reasons? learn a bit?
Me? well ultimately we all form opinions....but I'd try to hold back on judgement in the first instance....I would let time tell....because there really is an awful lot of time out there :)
Strange strange day....work was equally frustrating yet good at the same time.....things moved forward a little bit and I felt I contributed to that....mum's been in hospital for a (minor-ish) op and is in overnight...not that they read this but *hugs* for ma and pa....thinking of them loads at the mo....note to self - must blog about my parents......and something else...a disagreement....with D. :( not going to go into it here because every story has two sides and it'd be unfair....and because well its between us and it ended happily.....and most importantly I hate conflict in relationships and would rather focus on the positive.
This is about me now, unrelated to last bit of post......I just want to accept and be accepted....I always try to see the positive in people....I really believe in happiness is a way to travel and not a destination....and I believe in the I'm Fine Girl's philosophy.....and it does work....in some of my lowest moments....thinking about others who may be way more unfortunate than oneself....thinking of the sun and the rain, of the beauty everywhere and the simple pleasures of being fit and healthy....it takes so little effort to be happy it really does.....its far easier than most people realise....and that's not meant to trivialise things.....
...I was with a friend the other day....in an outside coffee place...people watching...she noticed all the people walking by...with friends, partners, lovers....with bags of shopping...in the sun....so few were smiling....why? why not show you're happy......worry less....smile more....think I'm fine and be I'm fine....when I'm with D. I smile loads isn't that the best?....isn't that enough?....at this instant in time?
LOL - thanks Princess Erin it took a bit of imaginative thinking to complete this but the result speaks for itself - so how big should I go d'ya think? ;-)
Do *You* Need A Boob Job?
Thanks to Nancy I found this and get a descriprion of what your name means...its er....a little scarey actually - lol :)
The first name of Neil creates a dual nature for, on the one hand, you desire change and varied experiences in order to avoid monotony, and yet you are attuned to system, order, and attention to detail. You can be very analytical, exacting, and patient in your undertakings until your interest is exhausted, at which time you switch to something else even though it means leaving your undertakings unfinished. This name makes you inquisitive and scientific in your approach to life, requiring everything to be proved to satisfy your skepticism. You can be a stickler for detail, and very fussy and particular. As spontaneous verbal expression can be difficult for you, you often feel awkward and embarrassed in situations requiring tact and diplomacy. This name creates strong physical desires, such as an appetite for heavy, starchy foods and meat. Tension affecting the solar plexus and digestive organs could lead to ulcers, growths, or constipation.
Thanks to Ariel and Sar I signed up for Wander-lust - haven't joined a clique type thing for ages :)
The Breakfast Club was on TV the other day - ace film....and then today in the sandwich shop don't you forget about me was playing - double ace!!
This film/song reminds me of uni days - at the parties/clubs there'd always be a three song section that got everyone dancing - this was one of them (we'd all slowly lower ourselves to the ground, arms in the air, fingers waggling at the 'rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling, down....down' bit), the other two were
sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel (lots of actions in this song including the over-arm swing on the 'sledgehammer!' bit) and pride (in the name of love) by U2 (lots of 'one arm punching' of the air as we screamed out the chorus) - aaah those were the days :))
You Worked It Out
I'm glad you''re happy now
Me? I'm in between
But you're managing to miss
The places I have seen
I'm glad you got it right
Me? I miss the fun
And you're going to places
From which I turn and l run
I'm glad you're happy now
Me? I'm still not right
But you're managing to miss
These four walls where I fight
I'm glad you worked it out
Me? I live through you
And you're going to countries
That I can only hope to
I'm glad you're happy now
Me? I still fuck up
But you're managing to see
How to drink from the cup
I'm glad you got it right
Me? I still look for it
But you're going to places
Way beyond my own remit
Owing to a ;late internet reconnection and a compelling internet chat (thanks hun) I'll catch ya tomorrow...meanwhile.....
.......meandering words form shuffle play!!
Pukp - So please can I ask just why we're alive, because all that I do seems such a waste of time.............
Red Hot Chillies Greedy little people in a sea of distress, keep your more to receive your less, unimpressed by material excess, love is free love me say hell yes
U2 The men who love you, you hate the most, they pass right through you like a ghost, they look for you but your spirit is in the air, baby, you're nowhere
Nickleback ......this time I'm mistaken, for giving you a heart worth breaking
Sleeper I don't need you, I just neeed something that I can really care about........
I can't promise that there still isn't a poem in me somewhere.......
Monday, July 29, 2002
K y'all who were in the know.....its Chris' birthday tomorrow...because he's taken a day off and he's not checking email Tiara told him our little secret - thanks y'all for making it a special surprise - and I want it recorded it was Tiara's idea and effort - I just emailed a few people - its not too late for a bit of net magic if you want to reach out and spread happiness - this is why I love the 'net:))
Some poeple never learn in this life
Love's Great Fears Deacon Blue
you know the agony of seeing it all slip away
well maybe now you'd be happy just to talk it out straight
slipping away
about the danger of believing in plans in hand
about the role that you have in this delecate plan
slipping away
let's talk it out now
let's name them one by one
love's great fears
can't you see them burn
twist and turn as you walk and learn
love's great fears
can't you see them burn
twist and turn as you walk and learn
you know danger of believing that the summer's gone
and with the fading light the feeling that love is falling
slipping away
if you believe in the dangers that you suppose
you think it can tumble down none of us knows
it's all slipping away
let's talk it out now
let's name them one by one
love's great fears
can't you see them burn
twist and turn as you walk and learn
love's great fears
can't you see them burn
twist and turn as you walk and learn
It was SO hot at work today - the second floor was a/c cool - my floor the third - had the exhaust from the second I reckon - yuk! Anyhow left ealry (6pm) got home did some chores and logged on around 7.30......
.....No bloody connection - NTL down - of course I wasn't bothered!
LOL - its just come back to me - thankyou NTL I love you :))
Actually I put time to good use updating poems pages and even tidying(some) of the code!
YAY Paula - awesome - she totally devastated a high class field including her nemesis of the last couple of years through sheer pace throughoutthe race - she was running 62-68 second laps from the third - that's fast - and she was only a couple of seconds outside the world record :))
Also congrats to Jonathon Edwards and Philips Idowu for an exciting triple jump - kinda anything you can do I can do better as the lead chnaged hands three times :)
We currently hold 29 medals of various colours - including the men and women's hammer - how cool is that - the Games seem to be well organised, well attended and sportingly competed - the legacy from Sydney? :)
Sunday, July 28, 2002
So in the end we went to Box Hill which was slightly closer - chilled out in the shade of a tree, reading newspapers and poetry and eating our picnic - oh yeah and dodging cricket balls form the nearby family outing!!
Just eating the remains of the lasagna now awith chips (yum) and watching the Commonwealth Games after yesterday's 100m disaster, Natahsa Danvers sadly fell at the last hurdle of the 400m hurdles when in a bronze medal decision :((
Somehow I think we may not do so well in these games - but we'll see.
There's always the cricket to cheer - and that's supposed to be our second string bowling attack - well done England :))
Austin Powers is ace - and I think D. liked my Lasagna too - we're off to Leith Hill :))
Saturday, July 27, 2002
When will I learn not to make 'quick changes' to my template on-line!! Had a worrying few minutes back there when I thought I'd mucked something up - next time I'll do it off-line ;-)
I just realised there's a Blogathon on - due tpo start 3pm UK time I think - kinda cool idea I'll look out for it next year!
Anyhow I sponsored a Princess Erin The Mighty so if you read this in the next day or so drop by and give her some support - go girl :))
For Posterity - my playlist - now!
U2 - Everlasting Love (cover)
Elvis Cotello - She
Starsilaor - Tie Up My Hands
The Calling - Wherever You Go
Coldplay- Touble
Thing is about coincidences -you can read whatvever you want into then ;o))
Missed Mistakes
You didn’t know that if
You’d turned the page
Your life could have
Changed
In the simple flick
Of a wrist, involuntarily
Or a glance of your eye,
Downwards
Yet what import
That action would have
For you and I
Later
When I was alone
I turned the page
And saw the words
I thought
You! Whom I love
Whom I could do
Anything for and more
What if
Chance dealt that hand
And it was you who
Turned that page
Not me
Would I still be able
To help you, and
Could words....written
Spoken
Mean that much
Change one’s volition
Move one’s world
Forever?
The point of blogamp is surely to show what one's listening to and spread the empathy of one's music - so why do I want to blog about each song I'm hearing :))
Friday, July 26, 2002
And then again this from the Red Hot Chillies just moves me so much - unrelated but its on shuffle play and is awesome :)
K so am not going to say to much but me and someone else are hatching a plan to write beautiful music - Music To Live By - I'm writing the lyrics and he the tunes and we'll meet somewhere in the middle and kick it all off.....it'd be kinda cool if it works out wouldn't it? :))
Nearly done all I wanted :))
Picking up on the theme of 'haapiness is a way to travel not a destination' - and I know this may sound arrogant - but I also know what i mean and its far form arrogant - I've been in some relationships where I've felt that people saw a way forward, a solution, a way to be happy......through me - I don't know why (lol) for two reasons firstly and most simply it doesn't make you happy. No-one makes you happy but yourself, love should enhance, not replace the unhappiness in yourself! Secondly, well, I ain't all that so don't expect because I will disapoint. which is not down on myself just reality - hey if you're not happy what enter a relationhsip? don't you want your relationships to be the best? Then be your best because that's the most beautiful thing in the world - someone just being themself and thriving - I seek that above all else :))
Anyhow this says it all and I wish I could find words like this - check listening too!!!!
Not the Doctor Alanis Morisette
I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours
I don't want to be your glass of single malt whiskey
Hidden in the bottom drawer
I don't want to be a bandage if the wound is not mine
Lend me some fresh air
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you
I don't want to be your babysitter
You're a very big boy now
I don't want to be your mother
I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months
Show me the back door
Visiting hours are nine to five and if I show up at ten past six well I
Already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom you see it's
Too much to ask for and I am not the doctor ( and i'm not the )
I don't want to be the sweeper of the eggshells that you walk upon
I don't want to be your other half I believe that one and one make two
I don't want to be your food or the light from the fridge on your face at midnight
Hey what are you hungry for
I don't want to be the glue that holds your pieces together
I don't want to be your idol
See this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights
I don't want to be lived through a vicarious occasion
Please open the window
Visiting hours are nine to five and if I show up at ten past six well I
Already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom you see it's
Too much to ask for and I am not the doctor ( and i'm not the )
I don't want to live on someday when my motto is last week
I don't want to be responsible for your fractured heart and its wounded beat
I don't want to be a substitute for the smoke you've been inhaling
Well, what do you thank me
What do you thank me for
Visiting hours are nine to five and if I show up at ten past six well I
Already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom you see it's
Too much to ask for and I am not the doctor ( and i'm not the )
Oh yes I do! ROFL :))
What day are you?
Did I say I wantred Kate to win 10 weeks ago? I wasn't sure earleir tonight but Oh wow1 how exciting - well done all of them :))
Ha ha - kinda thought this would be higher....the questions were laoded ;-)
43.75 % My weblog owns 43.75 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?
Well got home quite ealry - traffic was fine because the accident this morning was still causing some lane restrictions so I think people had either not bothered going in this morning or avoided the motorway this evening! Not the same in the other direction though - I clocked a 10 mile tail back - poor things its 29 degrees today too!!!
Anyhow got to supermarket and checked out my shopping and realised I have left my wallet at work - D'oh! Still nice bloke at work has brought it home and he doesn't live to far away from me so I'll get it in the morning - luckily I had a spare card at home else I'd have had to go back to work thru that 10 mile jam to get it!!!!
Looking forward to a pleasant weekend really - the weather is supposed to be really good at last - tomorrow got some errands to run and cut my grass (its almost as long as last time and that took 4 hours!!) then D.'s coming round. Its her birthday next week so I'm doing a 'birthday treat' weekend - cooking Lasagna tomorrow and then going to see the new Austin Powers movie - Sunday I'v got a picnic sorted so we'll find a leafy park somewhere to chill out in - but ssshhh its a surprise :))
Want free high speed internet access? Check this out!
So if you want to get into Warchalking all you need is a laptop and a convenient street corner - lol - oh and this might help too! :))
And no I wasn't surfing at work I saw it in an industry mag and did a quick Google search!
Things to do tonight -
1 Blogamp
2 Is my blog Hot or Not
3 Post lyrics to Alannis Morisette's I'm Not the Doctor (with explanation)
4 Set up Post Titles
5 Page layout tweaks
6 Surf
Now all I have to do is get out of work at a sensible time - lol :))
Sneaky pre-work post ;-)
Traffic a nightmare as a lorry over-turned on Motorway so everything was coming off onto back roads - drove in with D. tho so it was entirely the best traffic jam I've ever been stuck in ;-)
Went to a Tapas Bar with D. last night in Ealing which was lovely - had Paella - Yum :))
K work beckons am in tonight and lots to Blog about :)
Thursday, July 25, 2002
Is this plageurism? lol :))
A Way to Be?
I love you like I've
Never loved before
Or maybe like I’ve
Never loved at all
Just take my hand and
Dance to this beat
Loose the crowds and
Control of your feet
Let's take this train to
Who knows where
And enjoy the view
Without a care
The time to live is
The here and now
The future looks after
Itself somehow
Its 2.06pm!
Rattie started it and Ariel continued it....there's something circulating round about living for today not when some time in the future occurs when it seem it will be easier to be happy. I have quoted and expanded on 'happiness is a way to travel not a destination' several times - its my anthem....but I also love the following words....
...Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And, dance like no one's watching.
I do all three and wouldn't change a thing.....check out the full thing on their sites...and stay a while longer because they are well worth the while :))
And talking of being happy - Rattie not only linked but posted my last two poems - me's flattered and chuffed - thanks girl! :))
Tuesday, July 23, 2002
Your Eyes
Your Winter eyes are hiding
Pain-flecked and half-closed
I could swim in your tears
Or wipe them dry if I chose
Your Spring eyes are alight
Joy-flecked and new-born
I could see a new way
Where we aren’t world-worn
Your Summer eyes are shining
Gold flecked and deep-brown
I could dive into them
Never again touch ground
Your Autumn eyes are closing
Sleep-flecked and dream-full
I could kiss them awake
Or just follow their call
Love For Sale
I freeze dried my heart and
Shrink wrapped it in a bag
And marked it up as
On special offer
Past sell by date
Now it sits in my fridge
Next to last night’s take-away
I can deliver for free
If you live within
Ten miles or so
Call to collect or postage paid
Maybe I could pass it out
My window like a drive-through
Or you can always
Just drive on by
Bah! Only just got in - missed quiz which I was going to for the first time in ages because I had to work late! Oh well I'm gonna get some tea then finish my blogroll and then some other stuff :))
WEll I think I changed The Banner Lyric Test but for me the banner's not chnaged.....does it still stay 'Put away that gun, ......' for you because it shouldn't!!!
K I'm off to bed, enjoyed surfin and chatting to people on-line and then D. on phone....kinda in a strange mood....sometimes things get on top of me...like I have so much good and .....not so good....in my head and I don't know what the prevailing mood is....still worried for some people, happy for others, and still enjoying the wonderfully good things in my life...at times like this you'd think I'd learn to shut-up and work it all out in my head....I'm sure in the morning it will all be ok so I'm gonna say goodnight :))
Monday, July 22, 2002
If there's one thing I love about Su(zi)e she make's me laugh and.....
...If there's two things I love about Su(zi)e she make's me laugh and she has a wonderful book review section and .....
...If there's three things I love about Su(zi)e she make's me laugh and she has a wonderful book review section and she like's photographing cemetries and .....
...If there's four things I love about Su(zi)e she make's me laugh and she has a wonderful book review section and she like's photographing cemetries and .....
.....she's a bloody genius at site coding - cheers babe - me class="#colour" works a treat :)))!
Oh and she's got a knitting page too but that don't do anything for me!!!! ;-))
Oh now....was that a poem missed...*ponders for a while*??
I love it when this happens, especially over something I wrote - Odin linked my how would I recognise you pst - so I thought I'd tell you who I'd be in that crowd......
I'm the one looking at my feet (bad habit) yet picking up on things around for future....words....
I'm the one waiting to do a favour for someone...or rushing around fitting it all in....yet I'm the one who only has time for me at the mo'....
I'm the one with my heart on sleeve...yet I'm the one holding back....
I'm the one buying clothes...yet today I just wore jeans and t-shirt - baggy style....
I'm the one leading the pack...and asking if its ok.....
I'm the one in the car....yet wishing I had cycled......
I'm the one joking and laughing...yet inside....inside.....
I'm a bit of a paradox..yet unintentionally so....
I'm the one with two beautiful little girls.....holding my hand.....smiling......and so am I.....
This is who I am!
Unable to settle
Sitting here alone just now
Strumming my guitar
Singing are you everything?
My ever shining star?
Pacing round my room all day
I ask is your heart mine?
Are you all we’ll ever be?
Will this last all time?
Lying on my own tonight
Sleepless in my bed
Trying to escape from thought
I’m aching in my head
Walking round to your house
Know the price I’ll pay
Just about to ring your bell
I turn and walk away
ROFL - cheers Cynthia - this was me on Saturday!!
Well that was a long busy day - I have encountered a slight problem at work owing to me trusting someone outside the company with some information - its not really their fault because they had to pass it on but that poerson (who should have known better) then in turn passed it back into my company (with it so far) and now everyone seems to know 'a rumour' about me and its, well, not difficult as such but a bit embarrassing nevertheless! Bah!!
Had a top weekend, took the girls to Paulton's Park which was good, not brilliant but we did spend 6 hours in there so can't be too bad I guess :))
Chilled with D. last night :)
I have some poems in my head and want to catch up so this isn't a huge Blog!!
...but have some top music on so expect to post about that later....
...and before I go a few plugs - have linked Princess Erin The Mighty who's fun and Ariel has a cool new layout - very her methinks :))
Saturday, July 20, 2002
Cheers Lorien, Hey look everyone it Mr Listener
Make Your Own
Oh btw - anyone thinking I was on-line at ICQ today - well I wasn't my PC was....but I wasn't sorry....I wasn't ignoring you honest - and thanks for the messages :))
Today was chilled and pleasant :))
In case you didn't notice (lol) I changed my website around - introduced CSS and changed everything to .asp so I could ''include'' the top banner. This will make things easier in future if I want to change my site around. I still have a few things I want to sort out but its a start :))
Went to see Jason X this evening - very gorey, very unbelieveable, very b-movie horror flick but totally excellent :))
Friday, July 19, 2002
I was walking down the street today and a thought occurred to me as I passed by other people, that thought was - "Do I know any of you?"
To clarify I feel I know the people I link to - not 100% of course, not even that well maybe, but If eel I know you - and I thought but I do count you as friends and I do feel I know you, I know I can say stuff and you'll listen (well read anyway) and comment back - and I wondered - what if I passed you on the street....or more abstractedly - how many people I am passing have sites too - share this!
Not sure why Ithought this or what it means - frankly not sure I care - because the warmth and enjoyment and the friendship is just enough :))
Have a great weekend y'all - mine is going to be fairly busy - so will catch up as and when I can :))
Thursday, July 18, 2002
K, so Music to Live By? Music to soothe, to turmoil, to remind and to forget tonight! Thought of several things, but also thought of songs for friends and stuff and these are my choices, so here it is :))
Anji - Pulp, Something Changed - because it's OUR song, and because the day I met her my life changed - it changed anyway but that she was there when it did and made it all the better :)) xxx
Ian - S Club 7, Viva La Fiesta - because Ian likes POP and life's a party when we hit town!
Vi - Blondie, I'm Always Touched By Your Presence - more the title than the romantic sentiment of the song but Vi remains someone who always makes sense of me, relates to me and as my friend who knows me the least yet supports me so much - in many ways I am always touched by that :) xxx
Stevie - Bill Withers, Lean On Me - because Stevie has always been there when I really needed it and whatever the circumstances :)
Sarah - Stereophonics, Lie In the Sun - because there is many I could choose, maybe this is one of the oddest....but I think she'll see how it fits :)) xxx
Totally arrogantly I am compiling a cd for my links to y'all! How presumptious...will I post? yeah...watch this space!
And most importantly D. - we don't have a song as such...many fit but I chose the following at this time - thnx hun :))
U2, In A Little While - because of many complicated reasons that I believe she may understand intuively :) xxx
Google! DayPop! This is my Blogchalk : English, United Kingdom, Surrey, Leatherhead, Neil, Male, 31-35!.........am sure there's loads more - lol!
Wednesday, July 17, 2002
At time's like this I want to say so much and be so.........poignant....I can't find the words.....everything whirls, spirals around, merges, entwines....so much happening on all levels...not to me as such...maybe to a me that isn't in this head at the mo....because #I can deal with it all then! Sorry not making sense am I!
So spent tonight appreciating things and sending emails because most comments have been down - I wanted to return some happiness and comfort I have been receiving of late :))
Of Note Nikki-Ann left a lovely comment and has a cool site - lots of poems and some cool photos of the Isle of Man :)
Kacroon inspired a poem from her huge enthusiasm for her new VW Campoer - hugs honey I'm glad you found one you liked :)
I changed my 'listening to' to The Drugs Don't Work by The Verve - beautiful and haunting!
And thnx to everyone else out there....you don't realise it but you chilled the LIstener out tonight and I needed it :)
My New Van (for Kacroon)
I don’t know why
But today I want
To wear nothing on my feet
And loose, baggy clothes
Or nothing much at all
And sit in my van
My new van,
Cleaned by me
Repaired by me
Loved by me
And turn the key
And drive somewhere
I don’t really know where
But somewhere that
Doesn’t have a care
Where the wind blows
Gently and the sun’s shine
Warms, soothes
And where the view
Takes my mind and
Empties my thoughts
Out into the air
Where they dance
Wildly in front of me
Before returning back inside
Less frantic, more ordered
And then I return to my
Clean, mended, new-to-me van
And drive home once more
Happy
Wow its hot and humid - my arms are sticking to the desk and my glasses sliding down my nose - lol!!!
Tough day at work today - its big meeting day but somehow it was strangely enjoyable too, kept me alert and awake anyways. Had dinner with D. a mutual friend from work and her flatmates last night which was fun - D. cooked and it was yummy.
heard a bit of hugely disappointing news tonight which I still don't really want to Blog specifically about as yet :(
Moonraker is on tonight - one of the channels has a Bond season on! I love James Bond - I think my fave is Tomorrow Never Dies of the recent ones and From Russia With Love of the older ones - what's yours?
Tuesday, July 16, 2002
I had a chat with Pegasong on ICQ which was ace :)) Thnx hun, looking forward to the CD!! She says I should blog more so am sneaking a quickie at lunchtime - lol :) Nothing like a quickie at lunchtime. I also caught up on some blogs but kinda ran out of time as I got sidetracked onto a phone call which wasn't so ace but is ok now.
Also check this out by Su(zi)e - I think its really cool, some of the photos are beautiful - are you going to take some at nigh hun - you might see Buffy!! ?? LOL :))
My Coffee Shop
If I owned a restaurant, it would serve
Coffee in large bowls with no handles
Like in Europe, and it would serve food on large, solid plates,
Like scrambled egg and salmon or cheese on toast with
The cheese soaked in milk and toasted till golden brown with
A choice of toppings like rosemary or Worcester Sauce or
Prapika, I would also serve crumpets, bagels and
Warm, fresh baked chocolate or blueberry muffins
Eaten with fingers in the embrace of the sofas
The shop would be large, naturally lit,
With huge, welcoming sofas and
Large, solid tables and a warm-coolness in the air
You would stay, all day, because it felt like
The home you want when you are twenty-something, not five
And you would read the papers or magazine’s, relax and
Laugh about last night and the friends you saw or
The shops you were going to visit, later
When you could leave the embrace of the sofas
And in the corner, by the window
A man would always sit, relaxed, at peace, at a table
Almost reserved for him, fresh coffee and cigarettes
Laid out on the table like a chess game waiting for
An opponent to sit opposite and ask about the book
He is reading, Tolstoy? Maybe, Faulkes? Probably
But he would always sit, apart, yet drawing people to him to
Sit and talk about their lives, to listen to
Their stories unfold, untold, in the embrace of the sofas
And in that shop, life would breathe
The dramas, the intrigues, the soap operas
Of the everyday, the common place, the done before
And the always-not-learnt, but the coffee and
The toast and the muffins would ease the pain and
The life of the frenetic, the out-paced, the why-me again’s
Would pour out like the coffee, hot, thick, strong, fresh
And whilst he listened the pain of it all would simply
Ease away into the fabric of the embrace of the sofas
Monday, July 15, 2002
Phew! Home again, home again jiggedy jig! What a whirlwind few days...where to begin!
Firstly hugs to a few RL friends who really need it now for a variety of reasons - am thinking of you all. My postings last week were a bit erratic and thanks to all the well wishes. Basically I was ok in myself though I am worried about a few people having a tough time....big hugs to Ma and S. and A. - also hugs to D. thanks for a lovely weekend and for sides to you I hold dear and have come to the fore of late...for learning and growing and sharing and accepting.....and exploring :)) xx
I was a bit worried about some other stuff but I think that may be ok too - sorry for being oblique here but I need to. Oh and one more thing.....when I post poems they don't necessarily reflect the state of my mind at the time, of late they don't necessarily reflect the state of ,my mind at any time, they draw on experiences but I'm also trying out some new ideas....so anyone thinking I'm going to try a spot of self-mutilation over a broken heart.....its ok really it is :))
So the weekend we went to Bournemouth for a stag weekend. WE met up at a pub outside and went off clay pigeon shooting and quad biking, I thought the latter would be the best but in fact I really enjoyed the clay pigeon shooting. we did two type, first where the clay pigeon goes up and straight away from you (this is slightly easier and I got 5 on the trot doing this!) and then across and away which is much harder as you have to track it (I got 3/10).....when you first make a hit they tell you to remember the 'site picture' and when you see it again fire....and this works, you're not aiming at the target as such but waiting for a certain image involving the end of the gun and the clay to come into view :))
We then went back to the hotel and had a few beers whilst we got ready and went to eat at a Mexican which was rammed with other stag and hen dos!! Having acquainted ourselves with a suitably friendly hen party we headed off to a bar till one-ish....at this point I guess it got a lot more 'boisterous'....we headed back to the hotel (loosing a few along the way to mainly mis-placed hopes of better acquaintances) and via the fountain to dunk the stag....we then sat around the bar playing silly games and such. At about 4ish the stag decided he fancied a swim so off we set to the beach where 5 or 6 of us took a quick dip in the very cold yet strangely refreshing sea :)) at this point the stag's clothes were of course whisked back to the hotel however he didn't realise this and got dressed in someone else's that he thought was his (which serves the other person right as he was...er...otherwise detained with a young lady who had happened along - he woke up about 2 hours later in her car, lost in Bournmouth and er with no trousers - lol). I crashed out around 5ish though some other went back down the beach for more of the same.
Yesterday was a bit of a blurry haze although I did manage to summon the strength to go for a walk and a laze by the river with D. :))
And then Minority Report in the evening which was not what I expected at all but brill all the same. I thought it would be some good but glossy sci-fi blockbuster, which it was in some ways but it was also quite macabre in paces as well as thought provoking and a little surprising at the end - well worth a deck at if you have a couple of hours to kill :))
K, so unlike on previous evenings I am now definitely gonna catch up on you all :))
Sunday, July 14, 2002
The news in brief:
Friday - V. busy at work, lovely dinner with D. in evening.
Saturday - off to Bournmouth for a stag weekend, quad biking, clay pigeon shooting and lots of drinking (oh and some skinny dipping in sea too).
Sunday - sobered up, drove home, went for walk with D. and sunbathed, off soon to see Minority report.
Full details of these and other stories to be posted tomorrow, hope you all had as good a weekend as me :))
Friday, July 12, 2002
I encountered a RL Blog tonight (thank you so much for sharing that with me) which was hugely......wonderful.
I am away pretty much away most of weekend....erm...*me's insecurities*.....please bear with me I miss you all and will be around soonest :))
PS have a great weekend!!
PPS Maybe my blogging has been down of late.....all's ok really, honestly, just lots of things on my mind...mostly for others, some for me, but mostly it is ok really :)
Thursday, July 11, 2002
I hope one day to look back at the times in my life that I was truly happy, the ever-smiling days, and remember them as if anew and I hope too that I will look back on the troubled times, the never-ending nights and feel that at least I grew a little, learnt a little., lived a little - that choices are there to be made, for good or bad, even if circumstances dictate what those choices are or that they have to be made in the first place.''Wave after wave, each mightier than the last,
'Til last, a ninth one, gathering half the deep
And full voices, slowly rose and plunged
Roaring, and all the wave was in a flame...''
Tenyson - The Holy Grail
That's the cruel irony I can sometimes find myself in a situation that I did not envisage coming about....maybe this is naivity? bad luck? my own fault?.....yet I have to make the tough decisions and live with them. I console myself that I have learnt but still they come around, and these ninth waves are killers!
Bourne Of Frustation
I thought I’d stand in front the mirror
And gouge my eyes into the sink
To see if it would help in anyway
To see myself the way you do
I thought I’d sew my lips together
Or maybe use a stapler
To see if it would help me stop
Talking to myself at night
I thought I’d carve your name on my chest
With a knife both dull and blunt
To see if it would help me to feel
Closer to you than you think
I thought I’d sever both my hands off
Let them fall down on the ground
To see if it would help me touch you
In a way that you’d respond
I thought I’d smash my knees apart
With a hammer from my shed
To see if it would help you notice
That I wasn’t here no more
And as I lay here broken in bits
The biggest thing that I feel
Is the thing that was most obvious
You’re not really in love with me
Wednesday, July 10, 2002
Hmmm, I got lost in my book and then here - kinda humbling experience yet equaly inspiring.......will write more on this tomorrow I want to get to gym early in the morning as I feel unfit! nn :))
Well that was ok, and they both had really good reports so that was good. It was good fun reading through their class work too :))
Been hugely busy (as usual) and haven't really got around to catching up on siytes :( ....but I also want to really read my new book from D. so am gonna chill on the sofa and then come back later!
Ogenki desu-ka? Ichi, nee, san, shee, go, roku, nana, hachi, qu, ju - heh D.'s been teaching me Japanese ;o)
She also got me a lovely book of poetry :))
I am off to the girls open evening tonight - kinda nervous, it occurs to me I can't remember who their teachers are or where their classrooms are - I do homework with them and take it very seriosuly but I am not involved in the day to day - oh well it'll be fine.
Oh, a funny(ish) storey from the fete - I was talking to a couple of the girls' friends' parents and Bryony comes over and says 'Daddy you may see one of my teachers over there and fancy her but she has a boyfriend ok!!" - I really don't know how I have created such an impression that she would want to say this!! ;-))
Tuesday, July 09, 2002
Everyday Worries
Am I liked?
Am I loved?
Am I pushed?
Am I shoved?
Am I keen?
Or not fussed?
In the know?
Or non-plussed?
Do I go?
Do I stay?
Do I work?
Do I play?
Do I fret?
Or just chill?
Halfway up?
Or down the hill?
Will I win?
Will I loose?
Will I heal?
Will I bruise?
Will I slide?
Or stay controlled?
Stay in jail?
Or be parolled?
I felt very up and down over the weekend, got really upset at one point over Katherine's scar, she had an accident just before Xmas and its left a small scar below her lip. I feel hugely guilty about this although generally I am 'philosophical, but this weekend I just felt really sad about it, maybe seeing her at the school fete with lots of her firends I dunno, but anyhow's she seems totally unconcerned and I hope that with time it will fade. I keep looking at a scar I have from about the same age and that's faded quite a bit and hers it much cleaner.
Last night I spent a lovely evening with D. just chilling and not getting too heavy - thnx hun :))
Work too was ok today, I had a chat with my boss about certain rumours concerning some things I said a while back that have been taken hugely out of context - anyways he's cool and we also talked about the upcoming work over the next few weeks and months which was good too.
I am aware that I ahve lots of everyday worries on my mind at the moment but I am trying to just chill and enjoy the things that are free :))
K, surf's up I'm going in!!
Monday, July 08, 2002
A Loser's Game?
Let me spend the next few hours
Telling you what I mean
And you can spend it telling me
Nothing of what you’ve seen
Let me show you lives I’ve led
Revealing all I am
And you can give one small glimpse
To do with what I can
Adjustment is my working trade
Bending to your will
Tell me have you the price to pay?
When it comes to face the bill?
Let me give you a taste of this
The man that I’ve become
You can let me feed from scraps
Thrown from where you’re from
Raise the target, my aim is true
Take the points you score
But when this game is all done
You’ll want for something more
Adjustment is my working trade
Bending to your will
Tell me have you the price to pay
When it comes to face the bill?
Sunday, July 07, 2002
It's ok, really it is :))
....So the troubled boy has looked outside
And saw the sun's not trying to hide
So has breathed real deep and stemmed the tide
And I'm fine too he's thinking inside......
Don't let the bastards grind you down!
An Ikea Game - how cool, love it - Chain of Daisies.
Anyone got any experience of mood swings???
Do you know what pisses me off? Sulking! For God's sake just get it out in the open and say what's on your mind. Don't go off and ignore me, if I'm an ass say so, if I upset you, say so, if you have something on your mind talk dammit! No long solences, cryptic comments or vague vagueness. Yes it really is that simple folks. Oh and another thing never assume there's an alterior motive or 'bad' reason for something, its usually quite the opposite and is very mundane!
I will confess at this juncture that I am not always so hot at the second thing sometimes but I do try!
Gosh - me's a little worried about reading my comments now - lol!!!
But then again Princess Errin The Mighty signed my Guestbook (you typed your link wrong honey but I managed to work it out!) - *smiles happily* :)
Do you ever get the feeling you're not gonna win no matter what?!!!!
Ariel mentioned yesterday how strange that it can all turn on a dime! Too right - I was in a chilled mood but think I've managed to piss someone off again!!! Bah :(
Oh, btw nothing to do with you Ariel, I was just nicking your quote - lol !
For Sunday Samaritan I visited Leila's World - its quite different and has a great layout, colour scheme and hugley clever navigation. still reading thru trying to work it all out :))
Saw this on Mamselle's site and thought it kinda interesting:
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
I loved Scooby Doo and so did the girls - it was close enough to how I remember the cartoon to be for me to go oh yeah they used to do that didn't they (like when they hide from the baddies in disguise as museum pieces etc or when Scooby tries to sneak off underneath a box or case - lol). ROFL at a couple of bits - the farting contest and when their protoplasms got mixed up! Daphne was a babe, I even found Thelma pretty hot too (well hotter than the cartoon) but for me Shaggy was the best - he looked, sounded and acted just as I remember - way cool :))
I needed cheering up and this and today generally was lovely :)
From Karen and Colin The Thursday Threes :)
1. What are your current favorite music groups? Starsailor, Massive Attack and U2 (always).
2. What were your favorite music groups (or songs) growing up? Echo and the Bunneymen, Dexys Midnight Runners and Soft Cell.
3. What are your all time favorite music groups (or songs)? The Real Thing (U2), Brand New Start (Paul Weller), This Years Love (David Grey)
4. What songs/groups did you once love but now hate (sort of like hearing nails scrape a chalk board if you hear them)?
Bruce Willis (yes he did have a bluesy album out late Eighties), Prince (thought I should get some Prince but it was crap) and Heaven 17 (formulaic and dated).
5. What are three songs that every time you hear them, you gotta crank the volume?
She (Elvis Costello), Shiver (Coldplay), How You Remind Me (Nickleback).
6. What are the best concerts you’ve been to?
U2, Blur and a particluarly kicking bands night at Uni.
BONUS
What was the first song that you remember hearing that really got you rocking and what memories does the song bring back when you hear
it now? Gonna Love Her For Both Of Us, MEatloaf - I had a crush on a girl at school but she was going out with someone else - I so wanted to be him but never was :(( !
You know what? At this partciular moment I feel.....odd....alone? confused? bemused? concerned? Oh and my right arm has been numb all day, a thin strip of numbness from my little finger up to my shoulder.....what's that all about?
Saturday, July 06, 2002
Had a nice chilled day. The fete was good - one small gripe the girl's step dad and borther turned up. Now to put things into perspective he is a noce bole and I don't have a problemn with him, and of course he and my ex are firends with a lot of the families at school but their brother isn't even at school and I'm not sure why they turned up. They were off playing with firends quite a bit so its not like I saw much less of them but they did also keep going off to find them and I even saw them having a drink and a cake otgehter - erm 'scuse me but its my time!!
Then went to mum and dad's and my sister and her boyfriend where there too. We didn't have a bbq because the weather this week had been a bit unpredictable but we still had a nice time anyway. I've been a bit worried about my mum of late but nothing is definate yet so won't say too much here just yet. I'm glad she had a nice evening tho :))
Lots of stuff kicking around in my head at the mo - me and D. had a long chat last night on the phone - this is a bit of a difficult subject too and am not sure what I want to say about it yet. D. is very important to me, we share a lot of common passions and enjoy each other's company hugely, I have no negative thoughts or feelings about it particularly but occasionaly we seem to get hung up on stuff that I'd prefer to let just ride, to just go with the flow and see what happens....I hope its ok and she feels the same way too. I don't bring past things into new relationships, at least not in terms of baggage...I don't assume that becuase xyz happened once before it will happen again, but obviously one tries to learn form the events, mistakes, happenings in ones life and to adjust for them in the future. I want to take this slowly and to learn and grow and see where it takes us, time is not an issue for me, I don't have a terribly clear view of where I see myself at some point in the future, I don't work like that, but I do know that I can only do what feels honest and true and right to me at any one moment.....I hope when/as that starts to apply to our relationship that thats ok, that it doesn't cause problems. I sometimes think too much about things and read too much into things. Slowly over the years I have learnt not to do that, to take things on face value, to be and do what makes me comfortable....I've learnt its the way it really works, the way that things make sense to me and I don't get overwhelmed with 'what ifs...' and 'suppose thats...'. I hope I can explain that to her and that its cool.
We're going to see Scooby Doo tomorrow YAY! Really looking forward to it - Sarah Michelle Gellar as Daphne - two of my all time celebrity crushes rolled into one - heh ;-)
WOWWWWWW!!!!!!
Off to the girls' school fete this afternoon and then mum and dad's for a BBQ.
No blogging last night - will do tonight tho....got stuff on my mind :)
Friday, July 05, 2002
A quick Blog while I wait for the headache pills to kick in! Friday hangovers are getting to be a permanent state - Bah!
Good luck Tim and I noticed he beat a Brazilian in the quarter finals too ;-)
My girls did really well in their Sports Day yesterday, Bryony came first in both the sprint and the novelty race (tho she 'fessed up to going deliberately slowly at practice so she got put in the easier stream (wry smile at this!!) and Katherine won her sprint and came second in the novelty ace becuase the ''ball got lost in the crowd'' - I suspect some other child's parents of deliberately being slow at giving it back - lol ;-) I'm immensly proud of them both - vistory hugs in order this weekend :)) xxx
Oh and I liked this, if you work it out post it in the comments, after you've stopped laughing mayeb ;-)
At the exact same time, there are two young men on opposite sides of the earth: One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers, the other is getting a blow job from an 85 year old woman.
They are each thinking the exact same thing.
What are they both thinking?
Thursday, July 04, 2002
This is total genius!! Its going on my regular reads, the whole site is hugely entertaining but this page is inspired - also check out the property and announcments on the main page - brace yourself for surreality!
Hmmm that's strane I seemed to have posted a blank entry - lol. It had words in it at some point something like I changed my Banner Lyric Test and just did some surfing around - nothing major to report.....
....until this morning, looks like some of my plans need to rethought due to unforseeable circumstances which is a disappointment, but I had a lovely drive in as it was sunny and I was listening to a compilation CD I made up last night :))
K, work to do - Bah! Out for a work colleagues birthday celebration tonight - YAY ... will prolly do Karaoke - watch out world lol ;-)
Its late, me's drunked (a little bit) nn :)) x
Wednesday, July 03, 2002
Maybe If
And maybe I just like it that
You are always in the wrong
Truth will out
Insecure me
And maybe I am good at this
Making you think it's you
Truth will out
Insecure me
But in my dreams
I’m a different man
Trying to live my life
To be all I can
And maybe I will stay alone
Happy that you're always right
Truth will out
Insecure me
And maybe I will be tonight
Just what I always seem to you
Truth will out
Insecure me
But in my dreams
There’s another man
Trying his best all ways
To do all he can
And maybe I will say to you
Living with you isn't really me
Truth will out
Insecure me
And what if I turn round now
And walked away from this
Truth will out
Insecure me
But in my dreams
I’m another man
Trying so very much
Being who I am
Bit of saddness in some blogs tonight....ironically mirroring my earlier post.....this is for everyone......alternatively I could tell a joke ;-)
Here For You
I want to take the pain away
Somehow find the words to say
That turns your night into day
Rewind and replay
Your fears allay
I want to keep the storm at bay
Calm the winds that makes you sway
Light the path from which you stray
Rewind and replay
Your fears allay
I want to brighten up your way
Somehow colour in the grey
Warm you with a gold-sunray
Rewind and replay
Your fears allay
Tuesday, July 02, 2002
Thnx iSK ;-))
What's Your Inner Demon?
this quiz was made by Melissa
Tomorrow's Fears (for Mum)
And I am scared
For you, for us
What if you aren’t there tomorrow?
How can I contain this sorrow?
And I feel loved
By you, by us
What if its not there tomorrow?
How would I contain that sorrow?
You loved me as I am
And words can never say
Through the growing years
Till I found my way
And from then to now
I felt it every day
And I think back
Of you, of us
Will my thoughts of you tomorrow
Be filled with pain and sorrow?
And I hold tight
To you, to us
Will you still hold me tomorrow?
Or will I hold myself in sorrow?
You loved me as I am
And words can never say
Through the growing years
Till I found my way
And from then to now
I felt it every day
Strange Day....wanted to just come home and chill in front of my PC but managed to upset someone in the process :(
The long chain in the flat-by has had a mini-collapse so its on hold!
Lots in my head at the mo' personal decisions, family worries, I miss the girls hugely, I want to wrap them in my arms and hug them tight and watch them play and laugh and enjoy being a daddy because it can be all too short sometimes. Is their Sports Day on Thursday and I cna't make it down, good luck girls, they one each of their two races alst year - cool!
Chatted to a friend on a bad day and hopefully managed to cheer them up a bit - *hugs* honey :)
A few friends are finding it tough at the mo - wish I could do something to change that to make it better.
Thnx Ariel for style code to make my link colours better and thnx Su(zi)e for CSS advice I will do soonest I get a few hours in a row to sort it.
Friend's Music To Live By added now, thru the Main Music To...Page - thnx again Pete :)
Had a lovely evening last night with D. - we stayed at her flat and had dinner with her new housemates and some of their friends - it was cool but felt a bit hungover this morning ;-)
Hugely excited that I had an email in my inbox this evening making a suggestion for Music To Live By - cheers Pete I'm gonna post it later soon as I've manged to download it :))
Anyone else - feel free to email me?
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