ICQPlus - makes ICQ skinnable - cool - I have a shiny Buffy skin now ;-)
posted by Listener at 8:01 PM
And then again......
Choices, choices, choices......
posted by Listener at 7:10 PM
Can't decide on my wallpaper.....I have just changed from this:
to this
but really like this too!!!!
decisions, decisions, decisions.......
posted by Listener at 6:26 PM
Well that's been a busy....but mostly fine....few days......work - well I am just not going to go there.....Thursday night was good fun...we had a leaving do for one pof the senior Japanese guys at a hotel, sit down meal, karaoke, dancing.....good good fun :))
Last night I saw D. and we had a really good evening, being able to talk a little more easily about things, this new found understanding of how each other is really feeling has helped....it was just very pleasant and chilled.....got woken at 8 am this morning with a work call but since have mostly just vegged out........
posted by Listener at 6:10 PM
Thursday, November 28, 2002
Lots of talking and stuff.
went to quiz last night, stayed at Ian's, talked about life and love for sevearal hours afterwards.....I think I'm the only mate that Ian can talk to baout stuff like that - which makes it a good thing we know each other.
Saw d. tonight and we had a good talk about stuff.....a bit more honesty, no wrong word, I trusted I could reveal a little more of my thoughts and feelings and I am glad I did....for her and me........
tomorrow big work do, am out Friday......need to blog lot more about all of the above and so will do but it will have to wait till Saturday.
Oh work took a real big turn for the worse.......if i was cynical (or insecure) I would think perhaps I am being cut-out and side-lined.......that people don' like to hear the reality of the situation.....course being slightly less than paranoid like I am I just blame it on bad management......not totally sure how to deal with it yet but they'll know sure enough when I do - lol ;-)
posted by Listener at 12:43 AM
Monday, November 25, 2002
A False Dawn
Somewhere Between first light and dawn The music played on But I forgot how to dance And the half night stayed Just a little too long Maybe if I had been asleep I would have awoken to find It all but a bad dream The sunlight striking up once more Leading me to dance Instead of a reality Where the music fades too
I have sort of mentioned my mum's not been very well over the past few months - I ddn't say too much because I guess I didn't want to be overly dramatic, it was early days.....she had breast cancer 5 year's ago and after no problems since then a few months back she found a lump in her neck - she has since been diagnosed with bone and liver cancer and has been on a course of drugs. The bone cancer is to early to do anything about (wtf???!!!) but the doctor's expected the liver problem to reduce by the drugs - well the good news is it hasn't got any bigger - but they are suggesting a course of chemo because it hasn't reduced, she has a week to decide but she will amost definately go for it.....poor mum :o((
That's why I wrote this back then.....
Tomorrow’s Fears (for Mum)
And I am scared For you, for us What if you aren’t there tomorrow? How can I contain this sorrow?
And I feel loved By you, by us What if its not there tomorrow? How would I contain that sorrow?
You loved me as I am And words can never say Through the growing years Till I found my way And from then to now I felt it every day
And I think back Of you, of us Will my thoughts of you tomorrow Be filled with pain and sorrow?
And I hold tight To you , to us Will you still hold me tomorrow? Or will I hold myself in sorrow?
You loved me as I am And words can never say Through the growing years Till I found my way And from then to now I felt it every day
I sat at my desk Hot tears flowing thickly Where before there had been none Falling onto the paper Blurring the ink from the fountain pen Where I had started writing Because I could not cry
The tears pooled and merged With the ink, with my words An amalgam of my sorrow And through salt-sore eyes I fancied that they danced Briefly like we did once Before drying, as did our love
Finally they abated and I Seeing more clearly now Saw the words I had written And in them the tears Tears I had not really wept It was just my pain in the words That made it seem so
Oh yeah because I'm not that proficient with Google t'see - some people know exactly what to type to getthe answer pretty much first time - wish I could do that!
posted by Listener at 11:11 AM
Does anyone know any good educational resource sites fro primary school children? I found Science Net which is cool - there must be something similar for history and geogrpahy and stuff....the girls are doing school projects on the Tudor's and the Spanish Armada and I've found one or two good sites (eg Wildground just by Google searches) but I am after young children specific rather than soem dry and factual general website......
posted by Listener at 11:09 AM
Saturday, November 23, 2002
I saw this in the newsagents today and had to have it :))
Should provide happy hours of reading!!!!
posted by Listener at 11:47 PM
It occurs to me I don't really talk about sport as much as I should as it is something I thoroughly enjoy. I follow sport rather than compete, at times I have played rugby and (5 a side) and tennis and so on but never 'seriously' - in fact I am pretty crap at most things - I used to run as a kid, was quite fast actually and won a few local and district comps.
But I do follow sport, not in the 'I must watch this above absolutely anything else' -I would rather see friends or go out than stay in or go to a match on Saturday type thing, but I always follow what's happening.
So I was delighted today that England stuffed South Africa to complete the treble over the southern hemisphere teams - roll on the world cup because ewe have a genuine chance this time round we really do. I was also delighted that Southampton (my local premier team) beat Arsenal, but my team, Liverpool then spurned their chance to go top! But then my home team, Portsmouth continued their romp for promotion - Play Up Pompey :o))
Of course English Cricket continues to be exposed - but you know what - I actually believe in our cricket team, we are able to compete against most teams, we have spirit and fight and some world class cricketers in Trescothick, Vaughn and Caddick at least. But Australia are by far the ascendant cricket force and we have been rocked by bad luck and injuries, I don't think we were ever going to win back the ashes this time round, but I did think we would make a game of much of it, if it hadn't been for the injuries I really think we would have - but hey that's what makes sport so great.
And very especially - go Ellen !!!! What an inspiration :-))
I follow most sport at most levels, except blood spots and fishing, I like going to horse racing but am not a huge follower otherwise - oh and motor racing is not of much fascination to me either, but footie, rugby, cricket, athletics....etc - love it
posted by Listener at 11:16 PM
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is way better than the first film. The first one I felt got itself lost in the characters and surrounding and the hey look haven't we made it just like you imagined when you read the book. I guess in the second this was out the way and they got down to some cool action sequences - its scarey and dark and grusome - way cool!
Girls are in bed now and I'm chilling with a glass of wine - we saw the preview of LOTR TTT (to use the 'in parlance' lol) its looks totally awesome I simply cannot wait - I reckon on seeing it at least three times in the cinema - oI said I'd take ma and pa for their birthday's, Vi and I are going and I suspect there will be other firends who want to go too - I fully intend to milk the big screen atmosphere on this pone while I can :))
BBC Radio 5 Live is running a competition to select the best local radio football commentary - some very funny snippets here!!!!
posted by Listener at 12:23 PM
Friday, November 22, 2002
Phew! it took two hours to update my poem pages! There's been quite a few since September when I last did it - thank heavens for Arachnophilia - it makes it slightly easier :))
Feeling good today, still tired but clearer of head - I think the chance to rant a bit last night helped :))
posted by Listener at 11:11 AM
K this is how I feel right now
I am tired of doing the wrong things for the right reasons I am tired of giving too much of myself.... until I end up taking it away I wish I could be selfish I wish I could look after me and let everyone else fall in line with that I wish I could have my cake and eat it I want the conviction to see that through Conviction is worng word - I wish I was harder, tougher...... I wish when I say I don't feel something negative that I don't feel it I wish I didn't want to delete this or explain why I'm posting it, or justify such an exteme view.....
.....I wish I was a catholic at least I'd have a reason to feel guilty.....
for any catholics I apologise..........
I wish I dind't feel bad if I didn't apologise for the catholic remark.
fuck, fuck, fuck.......ditto a million times!!!!!!!!!
I wish there wasn't a queue of people waiting to claim that all those things I'm suggesting is I not are exactly what I am!!!!
posted by Listener at 12:30 AM
Thursday, November 21, 2002
Uncertainty
I’m trying to work out What I don’t understand I’m trying to reach out For an invisible hand
I shift from so certain To not quite unsure I know where my path lies Yet don’t know what for
I know I am tired And my judgement is shot I’m trying to work out What exactly I’ve got
I walk through my life Knock on every door I know all the controls Just not what they’re for
My madness is in me My sanity real Emotions overwhelm me Confuse how I feel
posted by Listener at 11:51 PM
I'm going to bed before I get melancholy - dammit I was in a good mood - but this.....unease....was touching on my periphery....its subtle and I don't know if I can even begin to explain it - I am too extreme at the moment - high's and low's - maybe I just need sleep!!!
At least I'm not going into work tomorrow!!
posted by Listener at 11:37 PM
I have no idea when I downloaded Aqualung's Strange and Beautiful (I Put A Spell On You) but its soooooo awesome - like everything I have listened to tonight :))
I called the lovely Vi tonight - its been ages and we caught up which was totally ace :)
posted by Listener at 11:25 PM
I don't ask for much......
Its 8.30, I have had vegetables for tea (not sandwhiches from a garage), I am chilled (not over-tired), I have a glass of wine (not coffeee because its too late to be bothered to have a drink) and I am surfin' ( not posting 'sorry can't surf tonight).......its not too much is it?
Even if it is its so bloody lovely I don't care :)
posted by Listener at 8:39 PM
I started this blog on Wednesday 27th February this year, I wrote:
This is my first entry, I am not terribly internet literate and will learn to make the page 'my own' but until such times I hope the content will suffice to maintain interest.
Not very inspiring, my second post was:
OK so I am sat here thinking what to do first.......I can start with why? well this is the last day of feeling sorry for myself, at the mo, well I have a broken heart and lots of stuff is hollow....sure there's a lot of good stuff too, but hey I'm feeling sorry for myself so that can wait till tomorrow. I want this page to be where I can talk about my life, love, passions, interests and just things that make me think, that's cool. I want to share that. Not sure who'll ever look, but that's the beauty (and the point maybe) of blogger.com, say what you want and what the hell.......
Not much more inspiring but I guess at least it had focus. At the time I didn't use the 'net much, I'd only just learnt about blogging at all and knew no HTML, web design or stuff like that. The next day I learnt about hrefs and added comments (that was scarey!).
Two days later I was wholeheartedly blogging my virtual heart out and I wrote my first poem, The I'm Fine Girl. I didn't intend to write poetry on the site, or at all, I'd tried a few times but not seriosuly. the words just never came out. By the end of the first week I had added three more and I was off - they helped me express what I was feeling, the words flowed quite easily all of a sudden, they don't so much anympore, or maybe I am more demanding. My first poems were more about getting the feelings out, the release, these days they are more about the feelings themselves - lol or maybe I only had one predominant feeling back then ;o)
By mid-March I had survived my own perfect storm (writing Out Of The Storm and later A Break In The Weather). This blog was starting to take on more of my identity, I had discovered cliques'n'stuff and Su(zi)e my first real 'net friend - *hugs* honey thanks for sticking with me ;o)
On Saturday 23rd March I wrote Strange Day one of my personal favourites - it was the first poem I actually felt could stand up and be counted - and it was ultimately about hope although I didn't feel any at the time. Somewhere in March I designed my own template (anyone remember skyblue and yellow??) and at the beginning of April I set up my own domain and transferred the site over and subsequently started adding more pages including my poems - I was hand coding everything as I couldn't afford editing s/w but that was fun, I enjoyed the challenge and it appealed to my logical/techy side as well as my artistic side (!).
I guess around this time my head was getting a lot more together (I actually admitted this on 18th April! and shortly after wrote Deadends And Open Doorways - also I had been using the metaphor of travelling on a train (inspred by the phrase happiness is a way to travel not a destination - my mantra at the time) since the first day and I (subconsciously) stopped using it so much around that time.
I also took another significant step, I realised I wanted a friendship with someone, and all it could offer, I started to see how it could work and more importantly why it should work, I looked forward with open eyes rather than backwards, I wasn't totally healed but I was finally sorting out this jumbled mass of feelings and actively so, rather than because I felt I should. My site changed to the present colour scheme/layout around this time too.
And I was talking about a friend, D. and the possibility we might get together, I wrote Simply Said and later Your Eyes - and by September explaining why we couldn't stay that way - something which still pains me or lots of complex reasons, and not just about her, a lot was happening other people and things too. I wrote this, amongst others at the time.....
The Cost
Someone outside is Crying tonight And I wish to God it was me
And somewhere right now A child wants her dad And her dad wants to set her free
Sadness is all I Seem to create I wonder if I'm really me
When something I want And search for so long Traps others while setting me free
Somewhere in between happened the one major event that I never blogged about (sorry am still not) but whilst the circumstances weren't the happiest at the time I was able to do something unselfishly, unreservedly and truly in an act of friendship - something changed in me that day, like when a slightly blurred image snaps into focus - you didn't really notice it was out of focus until that point but afterwards it makes all the difference in the world. I wrote Missed Mistakes around that particular time.
Looking back I am stunned by how much is compressed into such a short time, how events I thought recent were further back in the year and vice versa. I still laugh to myself how much the Listener now and the Listener then (actually he was just called Neil back then!) has changed, how he now writes poetry regularly, how he has friends who he has never even spoken too let alone met, how he can write (badly yeah but....) HTML and design websites, how his PC has become the focus of his home and how whenever something good, bad or even indifferent happens here is the first place he thinks of to come to. And how his outlook on life has chnaged, how what he want, where he is going, who he will be has all been redefined in such a short passage of time.
I look back at my poetry and wonder what I would do without it now.....there are a lot of people and a lot of things I think like that about these days, I am very lucky.
So the purpose of this wander down Memory Lane? I just wanted to remember what I have become, remind myself of the good bits, remind myself that there is always hope, always a better way.....that first of all you have to believe....to remind myself that happiness really is a way to travel not a destination and that I'd better get on the right darned train NOW. oh and also that I do sometimes write more than just 'I'm busy, I worked late' - lol :o)
In its own small and inconsequential way I think that's what my story is all about, its what I want to tell people, maybe its my way of changing the world. If you tell yoursefl I'm fine, close your, click your heels and, most importantly, believe it....well......then it really does work......just as my Muse once told me it would.
Y'know looking back at that first post I made, maybe it was a kind of inspiring after all.....I achieved the former and hopefully the latter - else you wouldn't keep coming back now would you?) ;o)
posted by Listener at 7:03 PM
Looking back over my poetry the other day I realised how hugely influenced my poetry has been by other's at times but none more so than Ariel,
I asked if she'd be my muse because every poet needs an inspirational figure in their lives, and, of course, she said yes - this is hugely important to me - thanks babe :)) xxx
Ode To My Muse
You are my muse I love your views On love and life And all its hues .... ..... Oh and also booze
posted by Listener at 5:37 PM
I was in bed and fast asleep at 9.30 last night - I awoke at 6 - I sat on the edge of the bed shivering uncontrollably for 10 minutes until I could get up, I then went into work to complete a (admittedly) important presentation and have now come home.
To get things into perspective I worked till gone 10, 4 nights last week, 12 hours Saturday, from 9 until 3am Sunday, all night Tuesday (and all Wednesday). I went in today because it was made quite clear to me this was 'expected' by someone whom I thought I could trust but who used emotional blackmail to apply leverage as well as a lot of other crap. I didn't go in because of what was said I went in because I couldn't trust him not to back me and I don't want the wrong reputation (I don't believe I would have got the wrong reputation but......). Still I know now the mark of the man and forewarned is forearmed.
I am so feckin' livid after 36 straight hours at work I cannot believe what has just been said to me, the way I have been treated - its opened my eyes to a few people I can tell you - and changed mny focus too GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :((
Ph yeah and I'm knackered too - lol ;-)
Thanks to all the lvoely people who commented about my poetry - it has brought a smile abck to my face :)) xx
posted by Listener at 7:56 PM
I've just worked all night and am going to stay here for day long meetings - this is crap - I have voiced my total disgust about this and will leave it there - it will be the last time!!
posted by Listener at 6:43 AM
Tuesday, November 19, 2002
Gosh - I have just been sorting out my docs with my poems on it - its seems I have written 91 poems to date - plus two others which were just silly musings rather than poems and one I wrote for a friend for Mother's Day that I never published.
I could write a book! lol - I am taking the morning off work and am chilling and going through them to tidy them up and 'take stock' - nice :))
posted by Listener at 12:00 PM
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
Wish I could convince people to believe that. Chille dthis evening, watched Planet of The Apes on vid (yeah it was as crap as they say) and a very funny new prog D3adRingers - kinda Jackass/Trigger Happy TV but 'real people' are put into comoic situations and the actors are doing impersonations of famous people. Best one tonight was dressing as Russell Crowe in Galdiator and getting building contractors in to quote for renovations to a Roman Ruin - Classic!!
Kinda caught up on sites - tried to say hello to everyone and also Voices Net Forum :)
posted by Listener at 11:16 PM
The aprty was aced got a little drunk, got a little high, got way to little slep (none) and went to work till 2am this morning - is that the definition of work ahrd paly hard.
Anyhow I am home now, jsut went in for a meeting - me's in need of sleep.
Will lay in tomorrow and not go into work till maybe 5ish as there's some more 'report/analysis' to do tomorrow evening!
I love weekends - me time, time to chill and unwind, catch up on my PC, see friends, shop....whatever :)
shame I spoent 12 hours in work then - lol - making anyone sob yet!!!!! ?
I'm off to Ian's to get seriously mashed!
And into work for 9.30 - someone once commented after a particulsrly heavy night in the IoM, 2 hours sleep and a presentation to do the next day that I do my best work when still pissed - maybe there's compliment in their somewhere - anyhow we'll put it to the test tomorrow becuse I am NOT giving up early tonight :))
posted by Listener at 7:58 PM
Bah! just deleted an early morning post - I am tired! Intermittent sleep alst night weird work related dreams, driving along in the dark, kept loosing control of car - very symbolic heh :))
posted by Listener at 7:24 AM
I left work at 5!!!
Actually I didn't I left work at 8.30 :((
Gonna be in there again for 9 tomoorw!!!!
Not all bad tho' I chatted to the lovely Ariel and she soothed my soul as ever - we just didn't get long enough - but we did think about things for a while, and not for the first time, the words prompted a thought which....well.....
Musings On Liking You
If there’s only so many days together Let’s not use them all in one go Lets make them last, eke them out Until the time when we both know
If we’re not meant to last forever Then why not put back that day Lets take our time, wait for later Let things work out on the way
If we’re going to get along so well Why not take a little while longer To get along so well again It may just make us stronger
Oh rats!!! got to work this weekend - still at least its not a girl's weekend! HAd a really good weekend planned too, chatting till the early hours of Saturday with the lovely Ariel (lol - did you know that hun?) then a lazy Saturday maybe tidying and stuff and then a big party at Ian's (which normally lasts all night!) - now I have to be in Reading for 9 bith days :((
Oh well will still do my stuff too :)
Oh yeah and some people at work are getting right on my tits!!!!
Sorry to blog about this but its the only thing happening - would that it were different!!
What really rats me off about working so much is I don't get chance to catch up properly - I will do soon but me's sleepy - bear with me won't you????
posted by Listener at 11:25 PM
I left work at 6.30 not a bad time really - went to the gym and then to quiz which was fun - tonight's topical question (for me anyhow) was which Disney film had a singing crab called Sebastian? actually methinks he was a lobster but I got it right anyway :))
I've got myself hugely stressed the last couple of weeks, at work and something in domestic life. work first - just pressure I guess, I seemed to have had more and more heaped on me from presenting to chairmen to dealing with detailed site issues - there is no boundary, no delegation path, or resources - I kind of realized today that if I don't make time to sit down, deal with emails, fire out some responsibility to people I'm gonna drown - I was too far 'into' the problem I'd become the sole point of contact for everything - that's not good for me, the project, the customer.....so I'm trying to step back and farm stuff out, taking the time to work smarter not harder.....finger's crossed eh - lol :)
On a personal level - well it kind of difficult to explain - I have a friend who really needs me - but not in a way I can sustain, nor in a way that is good for them - I want to help I really do, but all my advice and support and reassurance is not enough - and I can't always give any more - I am starting to feel weighed down by their problems, like the weight of them is bearing down on me, plus I have to be soooo careful how I react, what I say....and it scares me that I won't be able to do it, won't get it right - and another half of me knows it is not my problem - I mean it is not my fault, not something I can really take responsibility for.......but when someone needs you so desperately, so desolately, you can't say no can you? Yeah you can draw lines, set boundaries but you can't turn your back .....you know its going to be demanding, its going to be so hard....but you also hope for the day it turns and it gets better.........I'm not perfect, I'm scared because I don't know quite how to be there for them and preserve myself too, to not become too involved, too responsible, and I don't know if I can give myself as much as is needed.....I'm really scared I'll fuck it up.....but I also don't see how no is an option......................
posted by Listener at 11:16 PM
Good god its midnight - I am still at work! gonna go home now! It was kinda worth staying got something important done :/
btw thanks all for lovely comments on last poem - I only mention this because I'm kinda really proud of this one (its not often I'll acknowledge to being really pleased with one).
Someone made me think of it, an extreme reaction, an 'I'm useless, I'll never be happy, what's the point reaction' - I don't mean in any way to dis' that because I know where its coming from, but we are all a little fragile, all a little pained, aren't we? isn't it how we deal with it that counts? Isn't it about taking responsibilty? taking charge? making decisions? We all have a responsibility to ourselves to be the best we can be, I can't imagine being in a place where whatever else is happening I will always retain some hope, some will to make things better...........not everyone can be like that i guess and they move me to try to help in some way..........but I don't actually think that's always good for me :/
No I'm not tired, well yeah I am actually, but that last para still makes sense to me.....I'll try and illucidate (sp?) sometime......nn :)
I had a phone call tonight - it wasn't good, it didn't go well, I didn't handle oit very well, at the end of the day, I can cling to feeling justified.....but should have been better.........
We Are All A Little
We are all a little sorry All a little stained All a little full of regret Not knowing why it rained
We are all a little unsure All a little drained All a little hurt too much By the scars we gained
We are all a little humble All a little shamed All a little putting out The fires that we flamed
We are all a little fragile All a little pained All a little falling apart Bound by fear and chained
We are all a little wary All a little tamed All a little trusting less To give up what remains
That was a nice weekend - the fireworks party was ace - the girls and the boys from next door sat around the picnis bench at one end of the garden eating chicken nuggets, sausages and chips and me and dad lit fireworks one by one - oh and I lit a 'bonfire' in the barbecuefor added effetc. Afterwards we went in and played some games - I'm glad I have girls not boys lol - they kept jumping on the sofa and today kept coming in with their muddy shoes on despite me constantly telling them not to! Mind you their feet were just as dirty! lol - they're good boys tho and Bryony really really had a lovely time :))
Didn't do much today - I'm feeling a little rough - got a cold coming methinks - did homework and then chilled to family films on the cable channels.
I'm composing a blog about putting my life to rights - will probably post it tomrrow now tho - still catching up and getting flat tidy!!!
posted by Listener at 9:12 PM
Friday, November 08, 2002
I thought for a while today I was going to have to work this weekend - we had a nightmare meeting today - I am getting way past the point of enjoying my job - I feel trapped, undervalued, used and unable to get on and do what needs to be done - all the responsibility none of the authority - and no senior management direction!!!!!
I have been up at 6am every norning this week and left at 9ish, 7ish, 8ish and 10ish - today I left at three and I felt guilty - felt obliged to answer calls in car and stuff - I shouldn't feel like that should I? But I can't help it!!!!
K moan over - in interests of professionalism I will now bite my tounge!!
Bryony loved her presents - she was really really thrilled with them which I was please about - I kind of imagined she'd be disappointed in some way - lol don't know why because she isn't a spoilt or selfish girl in that way at all!!
Katherine has been ill this week, when I got to house she was crying because she didn't want to come to see me - I don't think it was that, think it was just the end result of being ill and feeling miserable all week - within like 5 seconds of being in car she was cool :))
Can't wait for fireworks tomorrow :o))
I'm gonna grab another early night - quick surf then bed methinks :))
posted by Listener at 10:23 PM
Thursday, November 07, 2002
YAY! Just got in! WooHoo :o))
I'm shattered, gonna go to bed and read :)
posted by Listener at 10:37 PM
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
You kinda need to feel the rhythm of this on.......
Marching Song
Hit the high when I was feeling low When all was lost and no place to go Felt so alive and I felt so free Thought I’d found all I wanted to be
Thought I’d found all I wanted to be
Tried to walk when I’d learnt to run Out in the rain rather than the sun I was soaking wet but I felt so sure I’d clean my soul and I’d be secure
I’d clean my soul and I’d be secure
Took a turn when the road was straight Always thought better never than late No clear path but I was in control Duck and dive and rock and roll
Duck and dive and rock and roll
Sang my song but so out of key Walk this way and sing with me Life is good when the going is tough And never admit when you’ve had enough
Life is good when the going is tough And never admit when you’ve had enough
posted by Listener at 10:19 PM
A quick surf - hugely enjoyed albeit brief.
I nearly swalloiwed a wasp tonight! left a bottle of wine uncorked yesterday, puired and sipped and felt something lumpy - thought it was cork but looked in glass and it was a wasp - should have swallowed it - would have been worth it for a few days off!!!!
posted by Listener at 9:57 PM
Got up at 5.45am, left house at 6.30, in work for 7.30, left work at 8pm - kinda made a fuck up today - put it down to tiredness. Me and a colleague offered to work until whenever (prolly like 4am) to get something finished for friday (very important) - as we'd be in Reading office and both live 50+ miles away asked to stay in a hotel - they said no (wtf!) so......so did we!!!!!
These five words in my head say 'are we having fun yet!' LOL
Arranged for a removal company to give me a quote.
Got mum to buy firewarks for Bryony's birthday party in case they ran out by Saturday, brought her wrapping paper, will do pressies tomorrow. Looking forward to weekend :) Man! I'm tired - or toirrrred as KAtherine would say - shweetie :-))
Another long day - left work at 7.30pm went to gym then the quiz - we won YAY :)) got an early start tomorrow for a 7am meeting! I really, no REALLY, want to whinge about work.....but me's tired.....will catch up with everyone very soon :))
posted by Listener at 11:36 PM
Monday, November 04, 2002
22.43pm is no time to get in from work - especially when you had a meeting from 7-10pm to re-agree everything you stayed late to agree last week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Listener at 10:46 PM
Sunday, November 03, 2002
I missed it first time around but am watching the repeat of Band Of Borthers -its very very well done, I find it hard watching this style of film/programme - its hard to imagine what it is like to be in a 'war' but kind of feel its important to at least make the effort - there have been many conflicts I haven't really 'agreed' with, I don't really want to use this siyte to get into politics - I just thought I'd mention this programme because it is very good and I think it deals with all the issues/feelings/problems/fall-out that comes with armed conflict. Its a 'follow-on' from Saving Private Ryan in terms of cinematic stlye and tries to get the viewer 'in there' - as a brit Saving Private Ryan was flawed because of the token british soldier and how he was protrayed - Band of Brothers follows a company of soldiers who just happen to be American and is less commercial than Saving Private Ryan ultimately was I think.
I had an ace time last night, really chilled and cool and lots of dancing :)
I had several phone calls from someone at work today - I ignored them as I was busy catvching up on stuff I don't get time to do during the weekdays - I don't mind working long hours but I have to have some time to myself to do other things!!!
I start in Reading tomorrow :(
posted by Listener at 11:11 PM
As Crasher rightly pointed out I've been reading On Green Dolphin Street for ages - but actually I finished it whilst on holiday and have been meaning to not only update my 'Currently Reading' on the left but also say a little about the book.
I have read all Sebastian Faulkes' books - I think he is quite amazing - he has a strange ability, for me, to become so immersed in a book its like its actually happening, I loose the consciousness of reading in a way no author is capable of. I have said before that I find songs and poems easily relatable too in a very personal way. Books and films I find less so, yes there are books I have hugely enjoyed but I can only think of one whose story line and character I found I really related to, I felt, hey that could be me. So much so it inspired my 'nick.
But Faulkes' writing comes close, not so much the setting or context but the way he describes human emotions and feelings and reactions. On Green Dolphin Street is, like a lot of his stories, primarily an exploration of human emotions and love, against the backdrop of some historical context, in this case Cold War America of the '50s. This is just a mechanism though to allow character development and so that he can place people's feelings into a context, the plot is often co-incidental, though equally dramatic I find.
The ending could very easily have been a cliche, its been done in many films, and probably many books, yet he makes it seem believable and 'unique' - there is an amazing part where two lovers are talking in a restaurant - monumental, life changing, relationship defining moments are interspersed with the waitress asking them for their orders - entirely coincidental, yes, but it makes the moment somehow more intense.......and another part when two lover's had crossed 'the boundary' that had been between them, she took a cab ride home.....
"Mary closed her eyes against the confusion of feeling that was overpowering her; there was a certain, remote dread that this unexpected joy was going to be paid for at a very high price. Ecstasies did not come free. Then she opened her eyes again..............there was no confusion, really, when she came to think of it, just this desperate elation."
I will not spoil the book (of course), but this paragraph in particular meant so much to me, 'ecstasies did not come free';.....'desperate elation'......every word seems to define one point in my life, I knew that person in the cab, I knew what she was thinking and feeling and marvelled at how skillfully the author had crafted the words....had he indeed been there himself?
So if I may be so bold......if you only ever buy one more book in your life, make sure it's by Sebastian Faulkes.
posted by Listener at 9:27 PM
Saturday, November 02, 2002
I went to lunch with Angie today - we haven't seen each other for nealry 5 months - we've both ahd so much hapening to us - but you know what - it felt like five days not five months :o))
I then went shopping for Bryony's birthday present - was rahter bereft of ides but settled in the end for a new duvet cover and matching 'sticker set' to put on her captain's bunk style bed, the new Jacqueline Wilson book (her favourite author), Crossroads on DVD and a game. She wnats a firworks party next weekend (the nearest one I ahve them to her birthday so need to sort tht out this week.
I'm off to Luton to see one of the firends I made on holiday tonight - which should be ace - bizzarely I got a postcard today which they sent after we had left - tha's over two months tog et here from Majorca!!!!!!!
posted by Listener at 3:22 PM
Hmmm -tired - up at 8am as I am 'on-call' tomorrow!!!!!
posted by Listener at 12:07 AM
Friday, November 01, 2002
Bah! 9pm and I've just got in from work :(
Looking forward to weekend - will post something later - I'm hungry!!
posted by Listener at 8:58 PM
Spirits of love
The souls of the sad
Dance out this tango
In a minor key
Da da da da daaaaah
Take my hand
My dear
My card is marked
With your name
Step as one
This last time
Our final dance
Perfect timing
As the music dies
We take our leave More Of My Poems
02/01/2002 - 02/28/2002
03/01/2002 - 03/31/2002
04/01/2002 - 04/30/2002
05/01/2002 - 05/31/2002
06/01/2002 - 06/30/2002
07/01/2002 - 07/31/2002
08/01/2002 - 08/31/2002
09/01/2002 - 09/30/2002
10/01/2002 - 10/31/2002
11/01/2002 - 11/30/2002
12/01/2002 - 12/31/2002
01/01/2003 - 01/31/2003
02/01/2003 - 02/28/2003
03/01/2003 - 03/31/2003
04/01/2003 - 04/30/2003
05/01/2003 - 05/31/2003
06/01/2003 - 06/30/2003
07/01/2003 - 07/31/2003
08/01/2003 - 08/31/2003
09/01/2003 - 09/30/2003
10/01/2003 - 10/31/2003
11/01/2003 - 11/30/2003
12/01/2003 - 12/31/2003
01/01/2004 - 01/31/2004
02/01/2004 - 02/29/2004
03/01/2004 - 03/31/2004
04/01/2004 - 04/30/2004
05/01/2004 - 05/31/2004
06/01/2004 - 06/30/2004
07/01/2004 - 07/31/2004
08/01/2004 - 08/31/2004
09/01/2004 - 09/30/2004
10/01/2004 - 10/31/2004
U2
My RSS Feed
